FMV, the thing I'm afraid of now is that I can't heal those hurtful words I said. I'm scared that after all this time, I've scarred her so badly that I can't heal those wounds by being different, acting loving and respectful. Is it possible?
Bolt, I think it is possible. I tell you, over the years my H used to say some AWFUL things to me... our M problems were 'all my fault; that he wasn't sure he even wanted to marry me (for various reasons); plus the dismissiveness, criticism, judgement... it was pretty bad for a long time. But. And this is important. That's only one side of it. In a lot of ways I gave as 'good' as I got. I was not faultless. I had to understand that he was hurting as much from things that happened in the M, as I was. It just came out differently in him because he was a different person.
So I think that the combination of time, counseling, learning how to talk with my H differently, is what allowed me to heal from my hurts in the M. I guess what I'm saying is that she has a role in her own healing too. I'm glad you mentioned you're going to MC, and that she's going to get the opportunity to work on her own issues too.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
