Another New Day

[islander]

Yes. But....like I said I can not just be her friend when she needs something. I will speak to her when i have to, abd be as pleasant as i can be She already considers us friends, that is not enough for me. She is choosing to go down this road.

[ninelives]

I like the line that I will not be demoted to role of friend with you. That is not what our wedding vows were all about.

My W knows this and I believe thats what scares her at times but now its time to crap or get off the pot.

I will not be her friend and I dont think that you should be either Islander. It keeps them in the secure zone and allows them to continue their relationship while keeping us poor saps on the hook.

MO MORE

9

[islander]

Every relationship is different. My W and I were friends and had a good friendship during our M. I will no settle for that type of R win her. To me, that is backsliding, and will not benefit our M

[ninelives]

You are right , every one is different. You have to do what is right for you. My w and I were also good friends during our M. I just think that If I remain freinds with her while she is sleeping with OM, that she will be just fine with that and have the best of both worlds.

Almost like I am ok with it and that she should continue.

This is one of those sitches that I struggle with all the time. If i seem really angry with her, then there is no chance but by the same token, the above stuff also rings true.

Not really sure which approach to take but Like I have said before, usually when I drop the rope completely, she shows signs of interest.

You do whats best for you Islander.

9

[islander]

Our sitchs seem very similar 9. The road I am going to take will be a difficult one, but I feel that it is the only way she MAY realize the full weight of her decision. I am prepared to do this to the end, wherever that leads us.

Like you, when I cut off contact except for what is necessary (some of last nights convo wasn't) she stops pulling away. This will be my course if action, one I don't believe my W is really prepared for

[Brian in Hville]

Yes. But....like I said I can not just be her friend when she needs something. I will speak to her when i have to, abd be as pleasant as i can be She already considers us friends, that is not enough for me. She is choosing to go down this road.

true, she is choosing to go down this road..but you want her back and won't be able to do that if you are short with her in your limited contact. I made that mistake last week and apologized later for it. She was glad I did becuase she said I sounded mean in my texts. Your W is judging every little thing you do right now. Be the BEST possible you.

[♪CS♪]

Yes. But....like I said I can not just be her friend when she needs something. I will speak to her when i have to, abd be as pleasant as i can be She already considers us friends, that is not enough for me. She is choosing to go down this road.

There is a big difference between being friends and being friendly. Just remember, she is analyzing your behavior and trying to decide whether this is a man she wants to stay married to.

Also, it might be wise not to jump too far ahead in your goals. None of our long term goals are to simply be friends with our S's. But that is also the end goal, there are many small goals to get through before the end.

[islander]

So I tm my W a d asked if she and D would like to go to the concert with us tonight.
She said she was thinking about it but was not going to bc she did not want to be around her dad. she said thanks for asking her.


I did not reply to her tm. I don't k ow if she really thought about it or not. If she did, then she might not be with OM anymore. But there I go analyzing again.

I won't have a y more contact with her for a while

[♪CS♪]

OK, this is just my extremely humble opinion, but this seems very odd to me. You go dark for a period of time, and then your first contact is asking her to go to a concert with you?

I know you are very against getting into a "friend zone" but I think you need to focus on baby steps a bit more. If you are going to mix in some contact into your approach, try to keep it light. ZERO pressure.

It seems right now you went straight from dark to pursuing. I think you should focus on smaller goals between where you are now and where you ultimately want to be.

I know, 2 pennies won't buy you *bleep*

[islander]

"Technically", it was my second contact with her; And, the concert was a christian rock band that played for an hour AFTER the church service. She knew this is what it was too. I knew it was highly unlikely that she would go, there was no pressure, and I went with her parents.

It makes me wonder why she told me that she had actually thought about going. Very unlike her to even say that. I will not read into any more than that.

I don't really consider this pursuing, JMO.