Time for a 2X4. You are doing it again - the expectations.. I know, know how friggin hard it is. you may not think you are, but your post is pretty clear about it.
First, nice job on the talk. Those talks are critical. They can be painful, but that's not always bad.
Okay, back to the other stuff. You bomb was only dropped on you THREE months ago. And you are still wondering when that "stuff" is going to return. Heck, I remember a post you had 2 weeks post-bomb where you were wondering about ML. You two need time to process this. What you call "chugging along" and "going with the flow", is working on the R. Our MC said people who have gone through this and are working on the R need times like these with no stress. They are important. Think about your convo, your wife has carried that around for 8 years. You are on 3 months.
I know everyone person and R is different. My W dropped the bomb in early Nov. She just started the physical affection in early March. In the last week's its become regular.
One suggestion, and I don't know if your W is open to it is MC. I know some people don't like it, but I think if you get a good counselor, it can be invaluable. Also, it gives you a set time/place to talk about the R. This is good if your W, isn't the talking type. it's also proves a regular check-in with each other and a third party. The MC can also provide insight and ideas on how to work on the M/R.
Also, you can keep the changes going with yourself as working on you helps your marriage.
Keep the pressure off your W. You have to have 100% faith it will come back and you have to 100% trust her that she will get there. I know it is tough as heck.
It's kinda like when you first had kids. Those first few months are rough, but once things settle down and you look back on it, the time didn't' seem that long at all. Oh, but when you were going through it, it seemed to never have an end. This may or may not help.
keep it up
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
