Am I hoping for nothing?

[~¤DG¤~]

My H of almost 5 years & I have been separated for a month now, due to the fact that I basically have treated him like sh*t for the past few years.
I was emotionally abusive, controlling, and selfish and I really don't have any excuse for my actions so I am not going to try and justify anything.

As you can imagine, I am a mess. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and getting out of bed some mornings are very tough.
The first 3 weeks were awful, I was doing everything that you are NOT supposed to do according to the book, and once I realized what I should be doing instead I stopped.

I've noticed that since I have been following the advice in the DB book, H has been slowly coming around.
Texting me, etc. I try not to be too eager to respond because I don't want to give him the impression that I am hanging around waiting to hear from him (which I am doing)

He asked me to dinner last night, and we met and had a pretty good time. I told myself I wasn't going to have any R talk, but it did come up and of course I got emotional.
He told me he loves me, he doesn't want a D at least not right now, but he doesn't know what the future holds.
I am trying really, really hard to be optimistic about this, but my own low self esteem and self worth stops me from remaining positive. I am always worried about "What If" and as much as I try NOT to obsess about it, of course it's hard not to.

I am in counseling for myself, and have been for a few months now, and am finally taking responsibility for my actions.
While I can't fix the past, I can fix me.
I am just trying to focus on loving myself right now and getting enough self confidence in myself and not have so much anxiety and worry.

Any advice for me would be very much appreciated.
I have been reading the boards for a few weeks now and I know so many of you have such wonderful advice and support to give.

Help!