Punkin, Your reply was courteous and respectful and certainly didn't point any fingers. Of course, in his mind, he'll view it as something else.
As for coming by and picking up the items that you packed up for him...well, that's another story. He wanted to prove to you that he could come there at any time and take what he wanted. It's called "entitlement". It's the spoiled brat in them that comes out to play. "I'll show you that you can't put a lock on buildings and keep me out."
As for the garage door opener, can you change the code? Mine held on my opener for a while until I pulled the plug and he couldn't get in. I then had someone come in and show me how to change the code. It's their "key" to coming back.
Your h reminds me of my xh and the antics he pulled back when we, or should I say "I" was trying to get a SA in place.
Take some time and walk around your home and your buildings and really look around...you might have more items missing than you think. I'm very sorry you are going through this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The codes have already been changed, as well as the codes to the house. I did that long ago. His garage door opener would not work on this door now, but he still has it, as well as the keys to my truck.
I just wanted him to know, or think, that he did not "get to me" by his actions.
A friend is coming to take the few remaining valuable items in the shop today to his house for safekeeping. Why put a padlock back on a door if he is just going to snap it? I can assume that he has taken what he wanted. I will compile a list of 'replacement value' on the items he took, as they are still technically half mine. He can take that off of what 'I owe' him.
I'm not nearly as upset as I was at the beginning. At first, it felt like an invasion of my life and privacy. Now, they are only things, and things I can live without. Just like I've learned to live without him.
Anyway, off to church this morning, and this afternoon will get back to setting up the little garden spot I have started to work on near the house. Have a great ( peaceful )Sunday everyone.
Punkin, You are doing exactly what I had to do...take the valuable items to a safe place. Oh, he's not done by any means...that was his first attempt to get one over on you. I think he will hold your truck keys and garage door opener hostage, i.e., in exchange for something he will want at a later time. He's doing quite a bit of the same antics that my xh did.
Please try to enjoy your day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so glad I went to church yesterday. Rev. Gary has such a knack for having just the right message when I need to hear it.Yesterday it was "It's Simple". About caring too much about things. Possessions. The truth is, both the tiller and the D/R mower were too big for me to use, and he can't use them either as his back is wrecked. And the power washer? Well, I could have used it to stain this house with, but why exert myself or spend money on a house I won't be in?
I did buy flowers to plant though, and more humus and peat moss for my little garden spot. It was by far to windy on my little mtn. to do any work outside though.
I have about six weeks until our court date. I think I need to begin collecting my thoughts on paper, to prepare myself for the inevitable.
The long and short of it is that things are just . . . .things. They have no value in comparison to the 20 year marriage that is being terminated. I still love the man that he was, the one that I married, but I do not get a chance to ever see that person.
The hardest pill to swallow is that I truly feel that he hates me, and I don't for the life of me know why?
Punkin - I know this sense of being hated. Truth is they don't hate us, they hate themselves, but because we are part of them, in their funny little MLC minds, they hate us. Also there is the mother/toddler thing - 'I hate you because you aren't letting me have my own way . . . .' Put them together with a life time of unspoken anger and it has to come out somewhere . . . .
Punkin, I also know the sense of being hated. It's emanating very strongly off of my H right now.
Beatrice is right in the fact that because H isn't getting his own way in the D, it is just one more reason to add to the list.
My S27 said the same thing that Beatrice did when I said to him this morning that I didn't understand what I did to make H feel this way about me and to do what he's done. S said, "Mom, he doesn't hate you, he hates himself."
They're miserable and they're trying everything they can to out run it. In the end, it will catch up to them.
Punkin, SA's son is absolutely right...they don't hate us, but they do hate themselves and it will catch up w/them sooner or later. I know it's crazy the way they think but I've seen and heard from far too many of them who start to question themselves along the way as to why they treated their lbs' the way they did.
I've been downt the road you are traveling and I know it hurts to have him behave this way and you've done absolutely nothing to deserve it, but Punkin, when it is all said and done, you will be the one that comes out of this stronger and wiser. I know that doesn't help right now, but you will be okay.
Enjoy planting your garden...put your frustration and anger to good use in digging holes for your plants. They will flourish and be absolutely beautiful!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
At its height the hatred literally bounces off of them. It can be a very disconcerting feeling until you realise that they hate where they are in life and blame you for being there. You can tell when someone is happy deep down and when they are not. They struggle just like the LBS does - maybe at different times and in different ways. They get a head start on leaving the M and the LBS gets a head start on the fundamental work of recovery and self-healing. The WAS rarely addresses their fundamental issues in-depth. They preoccupy themselves and hardly ever rest so that they don't have to deal with the little voice inside. Until they can't outrun it, as SA says.
I got my flowers planted yesterday, making my front porch seem so bright and cheery. It was good therapy for me. Also started tanning, in a tanning bed ( the new old fashioned way?)
I have began toying with the beginnings of a letter to H, a sort of Good Bye. Not meant to sway him in any way, just to say how strange it all is, and that I hope someday he realizes I never meant him any harm. Not done yet. First edit. Have to be very careful of the language used, and fully realizing it will probably not be seen nor read in the context it is meant. Just doing it for ME.
H texted D32 while her family is on Spring Vacation in Orlando. She didn't respond. It was at 11:00 at night! SIL said he must have had to get his liquid courage up first. D22 changed her number, so he doesn't have it. D24 he aggravated by practically demanding that she let him keep her kids there with OW.
Anywho - another day in the dangerous world of Optometry today. This evening, after tanning, of course, it's on to the potted plants!
Punkin, Planting is soothing and helps to alleviate some of the stressors in your life. I'm sure that your yard is beautiful and I imagine your front porch area looks beautiful.
I'm going to make one suggestion...the letter that you are composing...don't give it to him just yet. Hold if for a while, as he will take it the wrong way. He needs to lose some of the euphoria that he will have once everything is settled in order to get the true meaning of what you are saying. Just my 2 cents.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
