I got a letter in the mail today--STBExH will have a pretrial hearing March 15 and I can choose to be there or not.
I prefer not. Any compelling reason I should go? I don't want to look like an "out-for-blood" exW. I know, this being his first offense, they won't do all that much to him. He made a mistake in hitting me--yeah--huge mistake. But I choose to think he's learned from it and don't want to give him more grief about it than he will already be experiencing. I know him--this isn't going to be on his list of top ten experiences.lol.
Opinions?
So life has been interesting. My H is paying the mortgage, and some of the bills. The ones he isn't paying it's probably because they are in my name. So I'm thankful for that!
We still have no contact. Sooo weird but has certainly helped me to detach--so much so that I am feeling thankful that he is no longer in my life. He causes SOOO much drama. And is sooo needy and never, ever EVER satisfied.
I have been trying to do a lot of work on myself to figure out why I wanted someone like this. I have been taking a Boundaries class at church which has been really helpful.
I also did a 2 day Hospice class to volunteer with the local Hospice. I am really excited about doing this. I have several friends that are/have been involved with the organization and really get a lot of satisfaction from it.
Next step is to sign up for the 8 week CNA class. I am starting to get really excited about it. I don't know if I can get a very good job with just a CNA, but I think it will look good on my resume and will give me something to do for the next 8 weeks. It's an evening class and for a thousand bucks, I think it's well worth it.
Don't know when I'll be divorced. Or where I'll live. Or much of anything at this point. Limboland is not my favorite, but I'm keeping busy at least!
If there is no need for you to go I wouldn't. But then again that is just me. The whole divorce thing made me feel totally ill even at the thought of going to the courthouse. Sad thing is that my Dad worked there for years and it can't seem to make the bad taste get out of my mouth.
So glad that you are keeping busy and make a good life for you. Wish I could come for a visit but with Europe just two weeks away, Florida may have to be next year.
Thinking of you and hoping all is well.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Wow--Europe in 2 weeks!! That is going to be SOOO fun!
Will it be cold there this time of the year? I went to England in May and FROZE.lol.
No, I am not going. I had to go to the Sheriff's Dpt to be fingerprinted (for volunteer work now you must have a background check) and yeah--I hate going down there for ANYTHING.lol.
I am sure it will be cold but it can't be worse than the way Kansas has been lately. This is going to be the first trip with just s18 and I. I am hoping to make it a special thing with each of my kids when they graduate. D12 is already thinking Ireland and D10, Italy. Now I just have to wait on S15 to figure out where he wants to go.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ok, I am not sure how exactly this happened, but I am divorced.
Friday I was supposed to go in for my deposition. I was feeling super confident--I hadn't done anything, my L had gone over what kinds of things his L would ask (what I had been doing with my time since he left, etc) and I had been really busy getting things together to start school and being a good mom to my S15 and going through the house packing up my H's stuff for when the no contact order was lifted.
I felt there was no way my H's L could get me to "crack".
I told everyone that I was going to wait until April 4 to see what the judge awarded me and then I was going to see when a trial would be set, etc. and I had a bunch of plans on what move to make next. I completely had the upper hand in all of this--my H had hit me on Jan 3rd, was arrested, went to jail--I was COMPLETELY in the driver's seat and could have really done a TON of bad stuff to him--gotten more child custody, more money for that, etc.
So why and how things happened the way they did--I have no real explanation for. Hopefully by writing things out here I can make sense of what I did.
I got there first and met my L, and then my H and his L come in and I haven't seen or spoken to H in 8 weeks. I actually was very curious to see him and said hi and gave a little smile and he didn't have any ugliness to him at all. He looked pretty neutral. So he sits down and I am just looking at him, and he looks back at me and it wasn't uncomfortable--I think I am so detached it just felt like I was looking at something else looking at me.
So the deposition starts and my dad being a L, I know how these things go. I am answering slowly, yes and no, no extra info, etc. Doing a really good job I thought.
His L starts out with child custody stuff--is my H a good dad and I say yes, and I want to still have 50/50 and child support can stay the same, etc. So his L says "can we stop and type this up and get them to sign and this will save 2 hours of depo if we get this done". That's like saving $1000 bucks, easy.
So we agree and the L's go off and my H and I are allowed to talk because we are in a legal setting. So I start talking to him--I think the first thing I asked was why he can't talk to me still. Seems his no contact order goes until June! And then he has a trial--for some reason, and I'm not sure why, they are going after him. I don't know if criminal stuff is like D stuff where if the L's size you up and you have money they go for you, but he says he is not even 1/2 way through that part of the process.
I asked him if I am driving an uninsured vehicle while not having health insurance (because I didn't know if he was still paying my bills) and he tells me he put in a change of address order at the post office and he was paying all the bills. I tell him that some of the bills (the ones in my name) are coming to the house and he says they shouldn't have--he changed the address to get a hold of all the bills so he could pay them.
I am having a pretty rough day today--I guess I will cut this short and say that because we could talk, and I guess because I just was so tired of this, and m L had been telling me how strong I was, and a lot of other nice things--the talking turned to settling, and they asked me what my issues were, and I brought them up, and between the 4 of us they made sure each issue was addressed and in the end--I signed the paperwork for a lump sum, 1/2 the retirement fund, the house and the property we own.
And I am in complete shock that I did this. I felt good about it Friday, and feel sick about it today. I have to be SOOOO careful and work up a budget and pray I get through school before the money runs out. It will be really, really hard. Wow.
I could have gotten alimony and a LOT MORE and I didn't. I just have no explanation for what I did. I am praying that God will reveal to me . Right now I just feel like an idiot.
No explanation. I don't think I was trying to win back my H. I don't think I was being a martyr. I felt confident I could handle things--was I too proud?
I am really, really wondering if there isn't a serious flaw in me somewhere. I haven't worked in 15 years. The economy is terrible. I have to do WELL in school. I have SOOO many ifs.
The only bright spot is that I found a home for my girlfriend's horse. She was paying me enough money to keep my horse and hers in feed this past winer, but she is unable to continue and asked me to find her (older) horse a home, which--Thank you God--a home came up as soon as I put the word out. I went Sunday to check it out and it's going to be a great home with a very nice, knowledgeable person.
I don't want any of my pets (2 dogs, 2 cats, 1 horse) to suffer because of my ? foolishness. And of course I don't want my S15 to suffer. That is the biggest fear I have right now--that I have done something so stupid that he will suffer.
Thank you--wow--that name "Dacyzyn" is a blast from the past--I used to get that newsletter back when I was single!! (16 years ago!)
I know that there is a creative way to do this--and I have someone lined up to rent the property and possibly purchase it. I knew that before I signed--he is hot to get in there as he is losing his home and also has horses.
Because I do have a mortgage. It's not terrible--similar to what I had when I was single on my other house. But this house is 2 x the size and 5 acres. And I have no job. Oh boy...
I can sell it, I can sell it, I can sell it. My mantra these days.lol.
Ellie, do you have any suggestions for health insurance? I am very healthy and got all my health stuff up to snuff, knowing this would happen. I am considering a huge deductible like we had when married and just...not doing the routine stuff for a while....
Aren't you going to school? If you're a full time student you should be able to buy health insurance through the school?
Explore all your health insurance options. "Catastrophic" policies that cover you only for serious hospitalizations and such are surprisingly not that much cheaper than regular insurance. High-deductible plans may be right for you IF you're very healthy - but if you can't afford to pay the first $5k or whatever first, may still not be a good choice for you. Look at ALL your options. Can you rent out a room and use that money to buy health insurance?
Yep--always rented out a room in my first home when I was single, and have discussed doing this now again with my S15. I wouldn't even have to have them in the house--just rent out the master bedroom and put in a fridge, microwave, and little toaster oven. They have their own bathroom and they have their own entrance. I never even knew they were there! and made an extra $500 a month.
I am doing SOOO much better today--through some prayer and talking with friends I have come to have a lot more peace about what happened. By doing it this way, I know he can never threaten to "quit his job" or "move to another country". I heard those thrown out there in the past. If I was getting alimony monthly he could continually manipulate me and threatent to "take me back to court" which would be terrifying--he certainly could afford to be ugly.
Now I am in a position to tell him that he needs to speak nicely to me or I can call the police! Boy, that will put terror into HIM. I could tell that he is SOOO afraid of losing his job over what he did, and that the judge scared the CRUD out of him!
I will definitely look into getting health care at school and will check out my options. First health insurance, then car, then...lol. I am going to be concentrating on being a tightwad instead of concentrating on saving my marriage!lol.
