Another New Day

[islander]

I just told her I would let her know. It was an honest simple answer and gives me time to think.

She replied ok

I hate that this is what our R has come to

[islander]

I really want to call and talk to her. I will resist the urge. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me anyway. I will wait a couple of days and then try to set something up with her for next week.

[grr]

islander, i know how hard this is

but to not call is for the best

i had the strongest urge to text my h llast night and ask "do you ever think of me?"

i was dying to do it

but i really thought about it

"what could the possible outcome be?"
"what am i looking for?"
"how will i feel when he most likely doesn't respond?"

this morning i was so glad a more thoughtful head prevailed

the moment passes and you will be happy that you didn't surrender to it

[islander]

You know exactly how I feel, what I want to say, and what the outcome will be and how I will feel then....horrible bc the response will not be what we want.

The problem is with our thinking is that we all feel that we can change their mind if we just ask them one more time. If we just remind them that they love and miss us.

[ninelives]

Trouble is , they have glimpes of that but they cant sustain it.
Something else has replaced us in their heart for now and maybe for always. Its difficult to understand and to accept.

Acceptance has to come at some point or we will be in big trouble down the road.

Wish I had a PVR right now for my life so i could just fastforward and get some answers but dont we all wish we had that.

In the meantime, we all are responsible for how much pain we wish to inflict on ourselves.

Counciler said it best, there are no easy ways to make it best but there are an infinite amount of ways to make it worse.

What are we going to choose?

9

[islander]

Analyzing against my good judgement, and I know it means NOTHING:

I was strong today thanks to grr, Country, and 9! Thank you.

I did not contact W at all, but she contacted me.

w: r u going w my parents tomorrow night

m: ??? what is tomorrow night

W: they are going to a concert at church

m: Why do you want to know if I am going

w: just wondering

m: idk. I haven't been invited

w: ok- u working tomorrow

m: no

w: can i ask you a question about the tv and wii bc D and I can't watch or play it right.

I did not respond to that, and she has not contacted me again. I am alright with that too..

I did not respond to her initial tm right away.

Why is she contacting me about these things. Me analyzing says she is not as happy as she would like to be, and she misses me. It has been 6 days since we had ANY contact, the longest ever.

I feel like her 'boyfriend' should fix the tv for her, I wanted to tell her that (but didn't) and I could not tell her how to do it over the phone anyway. It has a lot of connections with the stereo and everything.

She asked me that same question 6 weeks ago. If OM is that great of a guy, why hasn't he done it. He lived there for 4 weeks.

I really think she is questioning what she is doing again. The tm tonight make me believe that. But she has to do more than question or talk from now on. I will only believe what I can see, and nothing that I hear.

Un-Analyzing (I just made that up like gwb), her tm meant nothing, OM can't fix anything bc he is not all there, she just wants her tv and wii fixed.

I am committed to my M in these dark days, and have no expectations (but I think about what it would be like).

[islander]

And the question a out the tv a d stuff irritates the h e l l out of me bc it was so expensive and I am left with not much myself, compared to what she took. I am not really concerned about material things either, but it shows me where her priorities are. I also really wanted to suggest she read those books she wanted me to buy for her, but I resisted the urge

[♪CS♪]

m: Why do you want to know if I am going

w: just wondering

m: idk. I haven't been invited

Don't let your emotions get the better of you, this part sounds very snarky. I know she has done some terrible things to you, mine has as well. But we are better people than that. We will take the high road. We will be the role models.

[islander]

i haven't been invited. I imagine I will be, but not sure if I will go...that is the truth. and I really did want to know why she was asking. I guess I could have worded it a little better.

[♪CS♪]

Just remember this. While it might be best for you to limit contact right now, when you do have contact, make the most of it. Show her the best possible you. The man you know you are.