Thank you all for your support. Stunned, my father told me a very similar story about how he felt about me. So when all of this started, I was fairly calm about it knowing that my own father admitted to not being excited about me until the moment he held me for the first time. But I know he didn't do any of the bizarre things H is doing (although, Freudian enough, my dad requested his divorce seemingly out of the blue too 11 years ago in what he fully admits was a MLC).
I'm not sure what to do when it comes to decisions for our daughter. Ex: I think I found daycare for her after I return to work (I currently work in the school district so I'll get to stay home with her until she's almost 3 months old). I think it's a great situation, but due to the financial aspect of it (daycare is SO expensive), I would most definitely discuss it with my H prior to all this crap. Not sure what to do now. He doesn't even want to make plans for next week, much less for August. At the same time, I need to make a move on this quickly, so I can't wait around for him to get his head straight.
Some other things for her seem pretty straight forward in my mind. He refused for months to sit down and pick a date for our baby care class, so finally I made the reservation and said, "here's the date. You can be there or not." I did the same thing for the couple's shower that we have scheduled in a few weeks. Worse comes to worse I'll make up some lame excuse that he's ill and can't attend.
I already have a plan on what to do for when he comes home Tuesday night (...if he comes home...). I plan to go to prenatal yoga, then go to a well lit, smoke free bar down the street from my house and write thank you notes until 10 PM. If he's not home by then, I'll go to bed on my own. But I would hope that he's home by then.
I don't have plans to ask him about how things went with his family. However, there is something I think I'm going to ask him. Before he told me that he was staying his parents, he said, "Ok, don't be mad, but I've been talking with my family this week and that's why I've hidden the phone records from you." So I want to know this: why on earth would you assume that I would be mad?
Remember, while I don't necessarily like these people, I am the one looking for closure and some type of appropriate resolution to the drama, while for YEARS he just would tell me that he doesn't care about them and has NO desire to resume contact. So it really perplexes me that he thinks I would mad about this. He FORBADE me to speak with them when they would try to contact me, despite my pleads to let me speak with them on my own terms, so none of this makes sense.
Do you think that's breaking a rule though? To ask him that question? I mean, I really don't plan on pushing anything else about it, or defending my stance on the subject, just wondering if he can even come up with an answer for that.
My goals for the week are for him to come home on Tuesday, for him to stay home for the remainder of the week, for him to take his medication independently (I counted the pills and one was missing, so I know he's at least taken one...), to avoid calling or texting him unless he initiates communication, then reciprocate with appropriate boundaries. I also plan on staying out later than him at least 2 days next week, and sing in the shower every morning (I haven't done it in years, and he used to love it when I would sing. He used to request it every night before bed. Plus, music feeds my soul). And continue my "I have the patience of Job" mantra.
I am a trained counselor with a behaviorist background, so the small, measurable goals really speak to me. As do the victories on the baby steps (like the missing ADHD pill). What do you think?
