The Lies and Deception Killing Me

[abbey1989]

Yesterday H declared he was going on a bike ride (even though it was starting to rain). He never just leaves from our house....NO!....he drives somewhere. He said..I won't be long. Let's do something in the afternoon! Well darn it, I wasn't going to plan it. He left around 7:30 and called me around 12:30. TYPICAL.

Anyway...."Lance" er....H....went on his "bike ride". I know he lied about the bike ride now because this a.m. he left on a motorcycle ride with our friend, so I snooped (I know! I shouldn't!) in his truck. Didn't find the other cell phone (which I'm sure he stealthfully retrieved from vehicle last night and put in motorcycle. But his bikeriding clothes were still in the car and are still smelling fresh as a DAISY! Even the socks. So his bike riding LIE is obvious.

I AM SO SICK OF THIS. HOW CAN HE FULL ON LIE TO MY FACE? TIME AFTER TIME?

I am so distressed. We are supposed to meet our friend for her birthday breakfast at 10 this a.m. and H is out on a motor tour. He says will meet us. We'll see. He'll be LATE as usual.

I deserve better.

In my other thread...I posted that I blew it the other day when I had happy hour with my girlfriend and spilled the beans over a couple of glasses of chardonnay. I FELT SO BAD that I did that. But now not so much. Why should I continue to cover for his indiscretions? Everyone thinks my H is all that.

He is creative, smart, artsy, "nice", handsome, blah blah blah. If they only new! I grieve for what we had. For two years I have tried to live up to some expectation and "Act as If". Gave him his space. He knows I am so nice and unconfrontational that he uses that to play me (I feel).

I really don't think I'm paranoid about this but I feel I need some answers.

Anyway...I feel like I am turning a corner? D17 committed to college yesterday (up in No Cal). Only a matter of time before it is just H and me in our home.

This *ucks.