I still see you framing your life and your choices by what your H is doing, choosing, what he might be feeling etc.

And the lack it is causing you in your life because of what he is choosing right now.

Can he be helped? No one here can tell you that including you.

All of this is causing you pain.Yes?

Will the pain go away if you run away from what you perceive to be the source?

Or

Take control over the source.

The source is not your H.

It is you.

That is what I mean Scylla.

It is YOUR choice to suffer this and you can just as easily choose not to.

How do you think you can do that?

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am