Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

Venting-

My feelings written of above have not changed this week.
I'm feeling I need to be free to pursue other options.

I'm tired of doing without companionship, affection, regard, sex...everything that people get married for.
My H. initiates no contact with me, makes no effort to include me. I have not been alone (truly alone) with him, since we last saw his counselor together and then we were only alone in the counselor's waiting room. That was spring of 2010.
He only phones to say goodnight to the kids. He only talks to me about superficial things. It's like a chat between strangers at the bus stop.

He doesn't like me, doesn't desire me, doesn't want to be with me. I care about H. He doesn't care about me. I believe if I started to see and sleep with someone else he'd just shrug and say " good for you".
What basis do we even have to build a relationship on besides the care of our children?

Fact is unless he addresses his own wounding and damage I don't believe we have a chance for reconciliation. H's perspective of the past will remain, no matter the changes I've made in or to myself. I'll still be the controlling, critical, judgmental, emasculating, rigid beyotch he believes me to be in his eyes.

I feel defeated and hopeless, I believe any chance I may have had to turn things around is long gone.