no offense taken at all...that is absolutely something i do
i am trying hard not to read and i have told myself the same thing
unless he actually says the words "i want to make this work" or the like, i have to take him at his words already spewed "i am not interested in making this work"
I do the exact same thing. One thing though. If we can analyze with our heads, not with emotion, it won't hurt us too bad. At least IMO. I over analyze to no end. But I also try to make sure I think about it from all angles, and then admit to myself I have no idea. I know for me, it is a personality trait that goes beyond the sitch with W.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
grr, For what it is worth, you should see the stuff my W posts on FB when speaking to my family. It reminds me of what you were talking about in your post in regards to your H and your sister. WAS's have this really weird thing in their minds that they are going to leave us, but still retain our family as some sort of F'ed up consolation prize. She constantly tells my family members that she misses them and loves them, yet she walked away. My C said that is the behavior of someone who is very, very confused. They do it to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for leaving. They think that by being extra nice to the family, it will somehow relieve them of the mess they created when they walked away from us. Whatever floats your boat, I guess. Please don't do anything to relieve him of this guilt. Remember, "YOU OWE HIM NOTHING, GOT IT?"
Hang in there, girl. He will either come to his senses or you will move on. Either way, the final decision is up to you.
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
that is certainly one perspective ... here's another ...
The WAS does not see the extended family as the problem, they are not walking away from the children or the in-laws ... they are walking away from the spouse, the marriage.
Mind reading WHY the WAS does something is not good for healthy detachment ... even educated guesses, are still guesses and can be wrong.
YOU OWE HIM NOTHING is a little strong IMO ... and comes across as inflamatory.
grr ... back to you
let's keep digging her out ...
... this woman ...
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thats what I love about this site. Different opinions which give you new things to think about. Its good but sometimes you wish that there was just one blueprint to follow that would be a fool proof way to get them back.
Sometimes I think though, do we really want them back after all this? And if we did have them back, could we really put all the pieces back together and have a successful marriage.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
