PINCH ME of HIT ME with a 2x4

[ninelives]

Working like crap. No excuses. Dont understand myself at all. Thought I was better than that. Worn out path to say the least.
Im empty right now Sandi. I really am.

Jack; your insight is well taken. Things can change.

Can you please advise me one more time as to what my next step should be. She wants me around. We were having a really good time today and then the conversation turned to our settlement and she told me she got her money but was complaining about her job and loss of it. I listened and sympathized and supported her.

Then she was saying that I will be fine finacially with the settlement as i keep my pension and that I could sell the house.

IT made me feel really uncomfortable so i asked her to change the subject. But she insisted on staying on it. I asked her again to talk about something else but she was on it.

I said, ok , well I need to go. I have things to do at home. She back tracked and apologized but I really had to go. I was having an anxiety attack and didnt want to make the situation worse.

I apologized for leaving and she was cool with it.

Another day tomorrow. Please , no more mistakes.

I never had anxiety before in my whole life. Not attacks anyway.

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[Truegritter]

9

Look man your W is really broken right now.

You can't fix her.

The hardest thing in the world is to look at someone you love and see them in so much pain.

You need to look at her.

See her.

That is not for her that is for you.

From that comes understanding.

From that comes compassion.

From that comes healing for you.

For her?

She needs to find her own way. As hard as it is.

She does.

You need to take care of you.

It is really the best thing you can do for her right now.

[ninelives]

So once the dust settles from the funeral. I should go somewhat dark and let her figure things out for herself. Only converse when neccessary about the kids?

I do feel compassion for her but also recognize that she created much of her own woes.

I will try and take care of me and my boys the best I can. I mean I am in pretty good shape physcially. Am getting a good handle on my financial situation. Just need to get my head on straight once and for all.

ABSOLUTELY NO RELATIONSHIP TALK no matter what.

If she threatens suicide because her life is so bad, then I will say, " I will call your sister to call you" Please dont lay that on me anymore.

I have to detach and mean it. Despite loving this woman for whatever reason, I MUST detach from her and so i believe I have to not see her or talk to her and only text when the kids are involved.

Is that the way to go right now?

You may not know this but I have a degree but I feel like one of the stupidest men in North America.

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[Truegritter]

Is that the way to go right now?

You may not know this but I have a degree but I feel like one of the stupidest men in North America.

Yes that is the way I would go.

It is hard. And doesn't mean you don't care.

You may not know this but I was in the same place.

And it is the hardest thing to see your way out of the dark.

[♪CS♪]

I have to agree 9. You need to just give your W some time. Only she can change her mind. Time and space is the best way for that to happen.

[ninelives]

Thanks Guys:

Ok, lets see if I can stick to it this time. Hopefully no more crazy situations and if she is feeling down, I cant be the one to rescue her.

I have to let her go to see if she does in fact want to come back.

I know this is going to be tough. See if I have the stones to follow through.

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[ninelives]

She texted me last night at midnight saying that she is sorry that I have anxiety now too. That is the nothing to be ashamed of according to me. And then she wishes for me to have some good sleep.

What a saint. This is going to be a long journey to health.

let me start it today. Even a jounrney of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

My first step today will be a conscious decision to detach and Put hope away for NOW, and maybe forever.

Need to really stop focussing on her and what she is doing and who she is with.

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[islander]

9

You are not alone on your journey. We are in the same place, having to do the same thing. Be strong. I am doing my best too, and it isn't easy. And then I remember, this is the only way to go unless I throw in the towel, and to me, that makes about as much sense as what my W is doing now.

[sandi2]

You handed her the reigns of your emtions and now you see what kind of shape you're in. Long past due to take back the power of your own emotions. As long as you are having anxiety attacks due to any contact with her, I think you should go completely dark after the funeral.

Don't use that old excuse of having to contact her b/c of the kiids. That don't fly, expecially when they are old enough to do the contacting themselves. I have seen this over & over with LBH's. I wonder sometimes if they are actually that blind to what they're doing or if they think it just sounds legit.

[ninelives]

Who knows, when emotions come to play everything goes to pot.

I will go dark, she wants to come to a hockey tournament with youngest son in Easter. Its an out of town tourney.

Then just to add to the festivities, we have all been invited to go out for dinner with the family. Her sister, BIL, niece and nephew etc. They really want me to attend but I think I will find something else to do that night.

I had easter with the kids last year so I guess its her turn with them. Cant believe this has been a year.

She just textd me and told me the boys will be with her today and that she will be at her sisters.

I simply said " OK" and asked if she was Ok?

Thats it.

9
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