Standing up to the punches

[Queen_of_Swords]

This feeling has been coming to me for a week now. Maybe it is a stage. The only thing i pray to god is to keep the fire of love for my wife alive. I need that fire to exist just in case she changes her mind about us. I am so scared that it might die away one day and I might just move on never to look back at her again...

I relly feel you here. I too am afraid any love/passion/affection I had for my H is on it's way to dying. I am afraid that after a time this will turn to a mere sense of - "Oh, it's you." an acknowledgement and recognition of my H. and his existence and nothing more.

[ironMan]

:-) I feel ya, Karma. that's an interesting angle to it as well .... you come here thinking you can beat the thing .. and end up realizing that it saved you.

So, I guess the good news ..... is unlike Cybernet ... this won't kill you :-)

[ironMan]

skynet . whatver .... lol

[Queen_of_Swords]

I think this describes it:

It's only half past the point of no return,
The tip of the iceberg,
The Sun before the burn,
The Thunder before lightning,
The breath before the phrasem
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone,
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone,
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry,
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion,
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run,
The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames,
Have you ever felt this way?


Pink - lyric from Glitter in the Air

[Redo]

Scylla, really nice lyrics that reflect what i feel.
Ironman thanks for checking up.

I sure would love to come here, 1 year, 2 years from now, read my sitch and laugh that i was this badly down.

[JustStunned]

Been trying to think of a post here. This is a fear of mine as well. I don't know what the future holds so for now I am just acknowledging the fear. At some point I might realize all feelings for W have devolved to indifference. I guess when I realize that I will be done.

If you’ll indulge another movie reference, In Twister, Aunt Meg tells Jo “He didn’t fulfill his part of the contract, he didn’t pine for you”
I have pined all I am going to.

[2stepboogie]

Honestly at the beginning of my sitch (mid Jan-11) when i came across this amazing website and the book, i really believed that I can turn the tide around.

We all do. Some of us make it and some of us don't. We have witnessed those that are on the cusp of making it so I do believe it works. In the end though it was always about yourself.

Reality that wife has checked out forever

No one knows this for sure

The only thing i pray to god is to keep the fire of love for my wife alive. I need that fire to exist just in case she changes her mind about us. I am so scared that it might die away one day and I might just move on never to look back at her again...

Love is a choice my friend. I am going on 5 months next monday. Are things different for my W. He!! yes. Do I feel that passion? Nope. Do I have a burning desire and miss her like a W? Nope.

I do love her. I will always love her. I have chosen to. That is why the dating and reconnecting is so important. When you have time and distance you do grow apart. You miss them in a different way. I miss her friendship. I miss her company. I am standing not because of some secret passion or fire I have for her. Perhaps that is gone. It can be re-kindled though and it will take time and effort on both our parts. I choose! Not her.

[Redo]

2step, I always value your wisdom.

"Love is a choice my friend. I am going on 5 months next monday. Are things different for my W. He!! yes. Do I feel that passion? Nope. Do I have a burning desire and miss her like a W? Nope.

I do love her. I will always love her. I have chosen to. That is why the dating and reconnecting is so important. When you have time and distance you do grow apart. You miss them in a different way. I miss her friendship. I miss her company. I am standing not because of some secret passion or fire I have for her. Perhaps that is gone. It can be re-kindled though and it will take time and effort on both our parts. I choose! Not her."

Yup, i miss my wife's company and friendship too. Both used to gossip about things in general. Now i find no one to talk about silly things like this. Yea at-least for now I have made the choice to love her.

[Redo]

Just venting....

So i find out that one of my wife's cousins is getting married. I was close to that guy. He used to ask me lot of questions on computers and i would help him out. It was good hanging out with my wife's cousins as i did not have that many guy relations of my age on my side of the family.

Now there's just 0 contact. His dad calls me up for like couple of minutes and tells me about the marriage. When i visited my wife last week, there's no talk about anything. It is like she does not even give a sh*t. I developed high BP in 2009 after our issues began. She used to ask me about how i was doing. Nothing...now. I just visited FB and saw how all her cousins are my friends. I had half mind to take them out. But i did not. I think all negative emotions just came running in.

The problem is that i did not only lose my wife, i lost my daughter and lot of the friendships i developed with her family. I dont know what is worse. Her family talking to me and her not talking to me Or her whole family going dark with me.

Sometimes i feel like saying 'scr*w this whole thing. Why am i fighting like this? For whom? No one on her side gives a sh*t. My wife does not seem to. Why am i fighting this battle...

sorry for venting. This was building up for a while now....

[♪CS♪]

Hey Karma,

What I think we are all looking for is the place between feeling like we are fighting to make things work, and completely giving up. I think this is the place of “detaching with love” that we talk about. I believe in it. In this place we no longer feel a struggle, an agonizing battle. Instead we are at peace. But we have also not given up. We keep a door open if our S’s ever decide to walk through it.

Before giving up, try to find this place. I believe we can all get there.