How much longer in Separated?

[jon2911]

Definitely time to get the taxes out of the way so you can have fun!

Now THAT sounds like something I need to tell W.

The pullback came Tuesday, she asked me how much my student loans are and said she thinks her name is on them. Also, that Aunt had friends coming in town this weekend so she was busy. I asked her what's going on with the financial questions, and she said she doesn't want to put her head in the sand about the hard stuff, wants to know "what we're up against". Two very FIL-type sayings.

She was feeling bad for a couple days, and we talked again last night, and I told her I didn't see her name on anything with my student loans. She asked if I could call and make sure, then started to say something else but stopped. I asked what she was thinking, and she said "you got angry last time we were talking about D and threatened to make me pay half of them. I don't have much income, and it doesn't look like I will in the future." I asked her what she means by that, and she said she isn't able to work, so even though she's getting inheritance it's going to have to last a long, long time. She said "I know you don't have much money either. I just want you to be realistic, and open and honest about what's going on."

I told her that I don't remember threatening about the loans, I'm sorry I said that, and I'm not going to do that. I'm cleaning up my own mess, knocked out the credit cards last year, and the loans are next, that it feels good. I also told her I'm getting cracking on the taxes this weekend. We'll probably get money back for both years actually. She asked if there was anything else on my mind, then said she'd talk to me "tomorrow".

It was good that I was still at recovery group after the talk, some friends really helped me process some things. Had a good breakfast meeting this morning, and got to see my C today also. My boss also told me last night I'm doing a great job. Interestingly, W called me again as she was going to bed and we had a nice 20-minute talk. I'd sent her a picture of my new niece earlier in the day, and we talked about some family stuff.

So, something is definitely up. The D word has been dropped for the first time in a year and a half. She seems very scared, worried about the future, and beneath it all, worried that I'm after her money. Or maybe her family's worried about that and are pressuring her. Probably both.

So here are some things I'm planning to say tonight, in a laid-back way. Any advice from you guys is REALLY appreciated.

W, I checked and your name is not on the loans. And either way I wouldn't make you pay them. It's my own mess and I'm cleaning it up. I'm not after your inheritance either. Even if we got back together you could keep it in a completely separate account and do whatever you want with it. It's your money.

It seems like this would only come up if you were thinking about divorce. Is that what you're thinking? It's not what I want, and I still think it would be better for both of us to be back together. I have some reservations and questions myself, but they have nothing to do with money or things. I know it would be a lot of work from where we are, but it's what I want, and I wanted you to know that.