Seeking, I understand the emphasis on YOUR marriage and that was how I felt in the beginning and I had no issue being friends but once it moved further than that I felt that by continuing I was no better than ow and I wanted anything between H and I not to be deceptive. I was concerned that everything between us would be fine but I would still be the ow because H would think he could manage us both. I don't want to be the ow.
GAG, I didn't ask H about ow. I have no idea why she moved out. If I ask him anything about the relationship with me he focuses on the need for us to be friends. He gives no commitment to anything further. Being with me is the more challenging option. He would have to face people and apologise. He would have to acknowledge to them that he made a mistake. He risks it not working and then being without ow as well. These would be the issues for him.
GAG: problem ending it with ow?? hmmm. Yes that could be a point. Obviously he had difficulty having candid conversations with me in the past. Good question; but I have no idea. However, H has the best of all worlds with ow. He obviously sees her when he feels like it with no obligations. He has his space and peace the rest of the time. He calls the shots there, most definitely.
I can't cope with being involved with H and then having him go to concerts and to see family or away for the weekend with ow. The problem is that I love him and this is not something I can switch on and off. I don't want to be available for H when he feels like it. I want it to be reciprocal. It will never work in the long term if he hasn't had to make any efforts or sacrifices. We have only one chance to make it work so we need to start with the best circumstances. I can't risk our relationship with such a rocky beginning.
I need to heal some more. I made a big mistake and I am having trouble living with myself over this. Nothing will happen now. H will stick with ow. He may feel some regret but it won't motivate him to do anything about it. He doesn't want a real relationship at this stage. However if he's true to himself he would have to acknowledge that he is obviously not truly satisfied in his current r/ship. Otherwise he wouldn't have been with me.
