PINCH ME of HIT ME with a 2x4

[ninelives]

I hope you are right Sandi cause this is really tough.

She called this morning and we talked about a lot of things and she commented that her brother should be here from a town far away but hasnt stepped up to the plate. He is 21 years older than her by the way and is in his 60's.

I told her that I would call him if she wanted me to and she said that would be great as she has asked him to come but doesnt see the need. They will cremate her and the service wont be until the summer.

So i called him and convinced him to come down.

She made a comment about how much her BIL hated her for what she has done and he has no right to since it has no reflection on him. Said something about how this affects her boys and that I should also make a better effort into being nicer to her around the boys.

I said that we shouldnt talk about that stuff right now and then she said that I never want to talk about things and get them out in the open.

( You know where this is going right, get your 2x4s ready)

Next thing I know, we are in a relationship talk.

All i said is before your mother died, we were talking about R and I dont expect that to happen any time soon but I asked if her Relationship with OM is on the decline in which she said that she couldnt give him up. I asked her point blank,
"Do you love him ?" And she said she thought she did at which point I said , well I guess that takes care of any R talk.

I told her I would honor the rest of my comittements for the sake of her mother who I did love, but I would not be a part of anything else after.

The OM is not welcome in any of these gatherings by some of her family so it would be very awkward for him to be there.

I told her in the future, If she has thoughts of suicide or is feeling down, please let OM deal with it as It is not my place anymore. I did tell her if she could not get a hold of anyone to call me but I just felt it was wierd that she would call me to be her go to guy.

I also said, please dont think about recon. we are miles apart from that. There is no possible recon with Om in picture.

She said she was having trouble letting me go but feels that there is no chance of her being what I want in a wife. She doesnt feel passion for me and hasnt for some time. She doesnt know how to get that back and feels that if we ever got back together, that aspect of our relationship would be a struggle.

I did say that things like that can be worked on over time but we shouldnt even be worring about that right now.

In the end, I think her statement about OM solidifies where she is at and is not willin to let him go.

How much more of that do I need to see before I see the writing on the wall.

Finally I said to her, look , you know I love you and you should also know that I dont want to love you and need to get you out of my heart. This will take time but I will get there. I have to let you go and you have to let me go, once and for all.

I have to distance myself from your life and you must do the same , we just have the kids to worry about together.

She asked, why couldnt we be like some couples that are able to do things with their kids together and I said that there arent many that do that; it is rare.

I said, that I dont see that happening.

Okay
Let me have it.

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