Thank you for all of your thoughts. I have been working hard on myself since he dropped the bomb. I have been in ic for 4 months, started working out, lost 20lbs, and generally feel really good about myself and how I am handling this all. I see ways in which our marriage wasn't perfect and my role in it and know that I want to and can be different in my next relationship--whether it is with my H or someone else. The hardest realization to come to is that ultimately I don't have control over him or the outcome of his journey. I think we all tend to delude ourselves that we have control in our lives that we actually do not. It can be just too terrifying to think otherwise. But ultimately t he only thing we really have control over is how we RESPOND to those things that happen in our lives that we don't want to be happening. I get I can't control his choices or the outcome but that I DO have power over my choices and how I conduct myself. Of course thoughts about him, questions ,worries about the kids creep in when I am in weak sad moments, but then I call a friend and talk it through and that helps me to release those unproductive thoughts and move on. I find that if I don't get those thoughts out, they tend to fester and get worse and it is harder to let them go.
