While I don't profess to know much about DBing, I was told that that D is just another title. It doesn't mean you have to stop DB. I think you have to stop thinking about promises made while you were together. That will just eat you up inside. Concentrate on you and what makes you happy. Once you reach that point, she will see it as well. YOU are what is important right now.
I have never heard the phrase "prayer list." Sounds powerful.
I'd like to ask you more about it, but if my question is too personal, of course you can refuse.
Is your prayer list simply a list of people you are praying for, or is there something more to it than that? How often, when, where do you pray? What feelings does it give you when you pray?
And how do you start? How do you finish? Is there a place or position you find best and like to stick to as part of a routine or ritual? Or is it something that works better for you whenever or wherever you feel a need?
I need more practice praying. In fact, just a few minutes ago at the gym, I was feeling that I really want to love and connect with people in more ways than I've doing. It sounds like having a prayer list might be a solid place to start.
In the past, I have usually only given lip service to my prayers, and haven't really spoken from my heart. I can see now that is another thing I need to immediately improve, starting with grace at every meal. Whereas I used to be tentative in my prayers, as the new and improved Alpha Male all I have to say about it now is that fortune favors the brave.
Dear God,
Thank you for the opportunity to hear You and Brian speak to me in a way that I could hear and in my time of need.
Thank you also for VS2D's winning ways and words as you and I both know the baseball metaphor hit home. Please help her find an expanded sense of your truth and her identity so that she can transcend being verysad2day.
God bless Country, and Zen and Mach and True for their recent attention and compassion to me and so many other people on these boards. I have been uplifted and given strength by their wisdom and companionship and for that I am truly grateful.
God please give a special blessing to all the moderators here whose tireless efforts often go unappreciated and unnoticed. Hold closest in your heart Virginia, DBmod, The Jake of Beans, and every other coach and moderator doing your work here on these boards.
And oh my God please continue to bless Michelle. Hold her, protect her, and continue to shower her with all your ever lovin' glory and abundance.
And God only You know as well as I know how important it is to me for you to continue to bless my family, my children and especially my L----.
She needs you now more than ever.
Ahh-men. Ahh-women.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
I'm sorry to hear that you are in a bad way. It's expected tho so don't beat yourself up and think if only...woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Brian is SO right. You can continue to DB even if you get the D. What can you do for YOU right now that will NOT be more of the same? You have done alot of work to get yourself healthier; mentally, physically. A D is just a stupid piece of paper. Are you going to let it define who Busting Mode is and has become? I know for me, I've worked too hard to let it define me and my STXH is the one who is missing out. If we had any contact other than financial stuff, he would be like who is this person. Having said that, I still try to let my actions shine thru in emails since that's how he chooses to communivate with me. I am always suggesting and/or recommending things instead of being the control freak I was. I ask for HIS recommnedations or suggesstions now too. Not sure if he's noticing, but it feels good to ME that I see I respond in a different way and it doesn't feel forced.
You will get thru this small, bump in the road. You have to come to the point where you understand that the M you have known is dead and gone. That can be a positive because it wasn't working. Now you can possibly reconnect with yourself and who BM really is and maybe with Beckie. She may think she is controlling the D and you, but YOU are in the drivers seat of YOUR life. No one steers that but you.
It's Friday and I hope you are going to enjoy your weekend.
YOU ROCK!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Zen your words are so inspiring and your timing is impeccable!
You are an AMAZING woman!
Thank you for being YOU!
You are very kind Busting....
Enjoy your weekend and stay the course my friend.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
A prayer list is a list of people that I pray for everyday. I really don't have a set time to pray, I just do it whenever I have a few minutes...Like if I am driving from point A to B. I haven't turned my radio on in a month! It's also a great time to be silent and let God speak to you. Since I've started walking to lose weight, I pray during my walks. No need for an IPOD when you have God to talk to!
When I pray, I just tell God what I feel in my heart. I lift up my concerns to him. One of my motto's is "Let Go and Let God". It reminds me that I don't have to face anything alone and that God will always provide. When you are hurting, lift that up to God and he will give you peace.
Nothing is too personal for me on this board. My goal is to gain skills that will enable me to be a better person (for me) and am willing to do anything to get there. My other goal is to be a positive influence on others and to encourage and support. You can ask me anything and I will answer.
