Today is OK

[dolphin_05]

Hello GAG,

I just had a wonderful session with Jody. I will try to post about it in the next couple days. At least some of the points could apply to you as well.

I will look forward to reading what you post. I think Jody offers really sound suggestions and advice.

Wish I could have you over to my house to chat........

Careful what you wish for GAG. I'm just checking the flights now!!!

I may be wrong, but your post makes it sound as though you and your H may be in the process of laying the foundation for moving to a new and deeper level in your R..........possibly a level that you haven't been to before????????

I didn't really post the conversation because it was too long and complicated. Our dinner lasted 7 hours and we probably spent 4 of those in really meaningful conversation. I couldn't believe the depth of his conversation with me. This has to have been a real turning point and definitely a point for the future, especially the shared acknowledgement that we didn't communicate well enough.

It sounds as though you are having trust issues right now and that is VERY understandable. The OW is present now,........ but that doesn't mean she will be present 1 week, 2 weeks, or 3 weeks from now. You have set a boundary. That is a healthy thing to do if you want your R with H to have a firm foundation in the future.

We have spoken and it is agreed that it is just one day at a time from here on in and slowly, slowly. My issues are not so much the patience but the issue that he is with ow and if I go out with him/become intimate am I not just being an ow? I don't want that and I don't want to be that although technically we are still married!!

I've told H that I am not prepared to just be the ow. He agrees with this but I think he will take a while before he has the confidence to get rid of ow. He needs to be sure that things between us are fairly certain. I remember this with Dia, as well.

So after speaking with H I've revised that aspect and I will enjoy time with him but the boundary is around the physical while he is with ow.

When you communicate with H in the future, please do so in a kind manner and give yourself a minimum of 24-48 hours before making significant moves in your R with H so that you are not reacting from an emotional place.

This is such great advice. I have left myself in a vulnerable position cos it moved just too fast and then I went into panic mode, expecting H to run straight back to ow.

When you told H you wouldn't contact HIM, did you leave it open for him to contact YOU? How did H react when you told him that?

He replied and said that I should be calm about it all. He told me he enjoyed my company the last two nights and all would be ok. He said I had to be patient.

This is a very important time in this process for both of you. You have been very patient for so long..........Can you be patient awhile longer? If you knew that by being patient you might have the M and life you have been working so hard for, could you be patient a bit longer?

Very good question GAG. Yes, I can be patient a bit longer. Perhaps this is all unfolding as it should. I have taken on some fear and guilt about it.

I have just spoken to H as D is coming back today and H was offering to go and collect her. He said he would call in when he brought her home.

H told me that he cares for me and he wants to take things slowly and he is open to us going out. I was clear that I am not an ow and I will not sneak around or be a once a week partner. He is happy to do things together but he can't make promises(and frankly, neither can I) and he can't cope with hassles and issues. I get that.

GAG, thanks for calming my irrational mind. I went into fear, guilt and panic overdrive. I needed the balance of calm to ease my panic. Thanks for being there for me.