I am about to go wake her up right now and tell her to just leave now! I cannot take this anymore... I am gonna lose it, Sandi where are you???????
Would she really leave without the kids? I don't think anything would result from you waking her up and trying to make her leave....except a big fight with you asking her about possible A's. Nothing would be accomplished by doing that.
Your emotions are too worked up right now. You need to take two - three days to think about this more. Does it make a difference in your decision about the M? Are you still considering working through the problems with her, and could you continue regardless of what she may have done? Can you do that and maintain your self-respect?
If you were planning to leave her, then why do you need to know if she was or wasn't in an A..."for the family"? Do you feel that they need more of an excuse to justify the break-up?
Most of all, could you handle it if you discovered she was indeed having an A? Would an EA be a deal breaker for you? What if it was a PA?
I agree that you should not ask her if she's been in an A, b/c that is a waste of breath, plus it puts her into "guard" mode. It will alert her that you are on to what she's doing and she will be more secretive. So, no discussion with her at this time.
Just try to calm yourself and think about what you really want with her. Do you want a future with her? If so, at what price are you willing to pay? OTOH, what are some things you will not allow at any price.
Don't know if these questions can even be answered. You may have to see as you go. But, I hope not. I hope you can determine in your heart what you want for "you" and your children from here on. After you think that through....then we can discuss the possible A or not.
Take care of you, okay?
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
