Hi there everyone, I came to these boards more than 3 years ago and they helped me cope with my H's determination to leave our marriage. He swore he was not having and affair and I believed him. I know--DUMB. He STILL claims he was not having an affair, but clearly it was an EA if not a sexual affair.
Though he did not tell me he was "seeing someone" until several months after he left (when our older daughter saw an email he and the OW had exchanged), he told me he actually did start seeing her that summer. He left at the end of June 2008, so do the math. And it was a woman he had worked with for several years and who left her own marriage at exactly the same time.
Anyway, fast forward to now: I had a bf for over year, which was fun and very distracting for a while, but ultimately it didn't work and we ended things a couple of months ago. I'm not heartbroken over that relationship, but it feels now like the anesthesia has worn off and I am re-experiencing the pain of H's leaving--and WORSE, much worse, the fact that he is still with the OW, who has two boys the same age as my girls. H & I have 50/50 custody, and essentially every other weekend they spend with him, his gf, and her two sons. My girls like all of them and often allude to the good times they have with dad, his gf, and her boys and it is still KILLING me.
I WANT to be OK with this, to meet her (I've asked H to introduce me several times and he won't because I've said some mean things about her). For my kid's sake, I want to rise above it all--but it's TOO HARD and I fall apart inside each time they mention their other life with dad and gf and the kids.
I know that if I were in a happy relationship, it would be so much easier. I can't say at this point that I love H or care much about his private life--but I still feel totally deceived by what he did and the fact that he INSTANTLY created this Brady-Bunch like family is a non-stop nightmare.
I've made a life for myself. I got a full time job a year ago, after 18 years freelancing during my marriage. I've dated and had a relationship. I realize that I will always be my D's mother no matter what, yet STILL I am beside myself with pain (have also been in therapy and taken ADs). I constantly have to pretend that I'm OK so my kids don't worry about me, and I'm just exhausted by the pretending.
So, I'm letting it out here because I found it so helpful back when we were just separating. I am NOT "standing," we are almost officially divorced, so that's no longer on the table. But I am in terrible pain over having to share my kids like this and I don't know what to do to get over it.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Me/H: 47/47 D14, D10 ILYBIDLYA: Oct 2007 H moved out: June 2008 D almost final
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
