E.T. phoned home!!!

[Augtan]

Just wanted to update that I think I am giving up for good!!

It isn't just one thing or that I am angry or anything like that. I just have come to realize that I have been at this for 4 years and although some things have changed, he still says the same things and acts the same way. Even though I have changed, he hasn't and I don't think he will. He has made some progress, but then it is right back in the tunnel. It is hurting my kids for me to hold on to him and I just can't do it anymore. He seems happy with his life the way it is and despite numerous offers for me to move back down there, he never seems like he really cares if we do or not. I have done everything I can and he just keeps looking for other women and choosing his friends, partying, going out, women, etc. over his kids.

I re-read a lot of the emails from 3 years ago, and not much has changed since them with him and his attitudes, still blames me. I know he still loves me and cares about me, in fact he told me he loved me for the first time in over a year, last week. But, actions speak louder than words and there are no actions.

He was trying to get in touch with me Tues. night and I was out, finally answered and he said he would call me back. He did yesterday and we discussed insurance and Spring Break, he said "Well, I have a party to go to Sat. night" When I had just told him that if we came down it would only be for a long weekend, so apparently this "party" is more important than spending time with the kids he only sees every few months and it will be worse now that he has a job and can't come as much.

So, that was kinda just it for me, I didn't say much to him, but it said volumes to me that he wants and needs to go to a party like that, it is nuts!! I sent him a text message after our talk and said "I know..we can go to the party together, I love F**n (the wife of the birthday boy), she and I have been friends for years! It would be fun!" He never responded. These people were my friends too, in fact, these particular people I knew way better and for longer than he has, the woman and I played tennis together all the time. Oh well, I am glad I live away from there, he is just plain nutso!! I hate it for my kids.

So, I am going to continue to live here and one day when I am ready I will meet someone new and it will be so much better and all that I deserve.

I wish everyone on here the very best and thank you all so much for your support, I will check in from time to time. I will pray for everyone and for your marriages or R's to be restored.

A