H takes all the blame - why?

[BeingMe]

I agree with Cyrena. It does take time to get to that point of detachment, but going through all these emotions to get there, is worth it. It has been 6 years for me, and I think I am detached (note: "I think") at last. There are still times when I get upset, but I don't let him know, and I don't let it get me down. I just go out with a friend, or get online and write it out. It also helps when I read the posts here, and I see how far I've come compared to everyone else just starting, and to when I first started on this road (not that it's a contest or anything). Me, 6 years ago, was a total wreck ... I couldn't think, or eat, or function normally. I would burst into tears while sitting at the dinner table and just run upstairs to get away from him. My children were very worried about me. I would cry at work, at church, at home, everywhere. And, I'm not the crying type.

So, what I'm trying to say is give yourself a break, and realize we have all been through this, and we understand. Detachment won't come suddenly, but in increments, in fits and starts, gradually ... then one day, you will realize that you won't react to something that would've been a huge issue. Then you will know .... and I think, your H will know too. He won't be able to push those reactionary buttons anymore. You will have taken back your power.

Take care.