HELP - need your opinion: problem or not?

[JustStunned]

I can't believe I've put myself in this situation - by basically not standing up for what I feel is right and what I need, or even the important things W and I have agreed to. I do it to make her happy, but feel taken advantage of and resentful.

So having identified this how will you calmly, confidently 180 this behavior? In the past my knee jerk would have been to angrily confront, or drone on and on trying to get W to agree with me. I know now that neither would be constructive in my sitch.

I should have simply gone ballastic when those emails arrived and not given in instead I sort kinda mentioned it after I steamed about it for days, and when she got mad I backed off, as usual. Now, to W bringing it up would be "dredging up the past".

IMO going ballistic is easily dismissed by someone who is detached as “there he goes on another rant, I am righteous in my decision to leave”. My WAS is pretty detached, so this is easy for her.

You are right it is in the past. IMO it should remain there. In the future calmly set the boundary.

My goal: be as upbeat as possible when W returns. Don't expect problems. Listen. If W goes on and on about boss as usual I will be direct and calm and say "Honey, I don't really want to hear about how great your boss is right now" and find somewhere else to be. Don't get pissy, or rude. Just switch the topic, or leave.

Good goal, tough to achieve in your sitch, but you know it already and knowledge equips you make a plan, execute it. Be in control of yourself.

If for some reason I fail at this and we do have an argument - I will not feed it. I also am NOT going to give in or have my concerns dismissed, and I will not justify WHY I feel a certain way. Short, calm, direct statements - my truth, whether or not I think she's going to like it.

Sounds confrontational IMO better to leave than to confront if you cannot defuse it.