Be casually, friendly, interested, kind and pleasant. Don't analyse every word, every action to death.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Let's not use a sibling for an example b/c we might show affection or contact a sibling. How about a distant cousin.....or a coworker you haven't known very long? The point is that you are "nice" to that person, take care of whatever business needs attending, but that's it. If you had a relative that over-stayed the welcome, would you bend over backward and roll the red carpet out for them?
You treat your H as nice as you would treat the clerk behind the counter in the store. Nice, poised, graceful, and polite. Nothing more. Can you hadle it? B/c you couldn't handle it when he was under the same roof with you. Once there is some space between the two of you, maybe you can do better.
If you show any ill temper, nag, pressure, or apply guilt......he will never come home.
Do not contact him. Until you can go dark and learn to be happy without him in your life, I don't think all the examples in the world is going to help you. You are stronger than this. You have to do this--or it's over!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
well, when I got home he had not moved. My emotions are getting the best of me. I KNOW this is a very time of year for him. I sat outside for a long time today just thinking.
I wanted him gone 6 months ago.
I hated the way he treated me, my daughter and ignored my grand-daughter.
I hated his messy ways (picture organized clutter everywhere)
I resented the fact that I had to plan every vacation or outing.
I couldn't stand the way he critiqued my cooking..."It is Ok, or Next time I would do it this way
He hates my sister (twin) and makes no bones about it
I am struggling with the thought of divorce for the good or bad. I do love him. But, I don't know if my "panic" "sadness" ect... is fear based or love driven???? Thoughts?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
He just called me. He wanted the mortgage info, actually he wanted ME to call them and explain that HE actually paid the 2nd twice this month and would that be applied to April.
I said I didn't have that information at the moment. Told him to call 411 and go from there. He kept me on the phone while he fumbled around his lap top and sure enough, he had the information.
I am ready "I hope" to pull way back. Did a lot of "out of the box" thinking. Life will go on, I might be happier, I might...I might...I might...
If I have to move, I have to move. The anger jumps in at that point. I bought this house 10 years before we were married and I STUPIDLY merged when we took out a second to pay off HIS bills and by all the toys that would make us 'happier'...ugg never got a minute of joy out of his motorcyles, RV (did like that) ect. Not $120,000 worth though. I know if the D goes through all of that will be sold and I will have a nice nest egg and will have to move out of my home. 2 months ago, the thought brought me to tears. Today, sad but no tears.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
feeling much better today. H wants to refi the house. I told him I won't qualify on my own. Not sure what to make of that. I think it is an unwise plan at this stage.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Have an errie calm about me today. Anyone familiar with this feeling?
I know that feeling. I have been there often the last week or so. For me, it is coming to the realization that I have no impact on my W's feelings or decisions. It is that emotional detachment that I have been striving for.
Erie calm is right.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
I just spent a few hours reading the Archives-Advice From Wise DB'ers. I hope everyone has already read that section. It made me feel like a GIANT weight has been lifted from gut.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
