Your words just reminded me of how EXHAUSTING it was to be cycling between all those emotions, so I wanted to encourage you that you're doing well, that it does get better, and to just keep hanging on until you do feel on a more even keel.
Trying to detach is, as you say, a supreme effort. Once you have detached, it becomes effortless, and becomes a new way of being that applies to so much of how you view your life. Everything you've gone through will become worth it finally to have learned detachment. So keep on working on it....
In the meantime, do try to find as many "breaks" for yourself that do allow you to be yourself for a bit, because you need all the love you can show yourself at this point.
