Piecing is almost harder than before #2...

[XYZ]

JTB - I'm still here. I took a couple days off from this board. Sometimes I think being here keeps me in a worse place than if I just forget and go along with my day.

I really have nothing new to report. I'm just so damn over it all, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. W and I get along fine. Good even. But nothing. I can't stand being her roommate. When we separated 5 months ago, it was because I told her that if she wasn't willing to work on the relationship I couldn't be there, it was too painful to see her every day. Well, she is working, but it's just as painful to me now as it was then. I couldn't take the pain then, how can I now? I don't know. Then I saw no work, now I see some, but it's just as painful. And it's hard.

This morning, perfect example. Our son was sitting in my lap when W was leaving for work. W and I had had a good chat in the AM. She comes over kisses S tells him ILY and see you tonight. She looks at me and says "love you, bye" and walks out. Now, ILY is great, and I can't f*ing stand the no kiss. It's like a dagger in my heart every time. I just want to scream out and say "screw it all, I'm done" but I don't. Not sure how much longer I can refrain.

At the same time, is it better than 6 months ago? Absolutely. Will it ever be "back"? I just don't know. If I was 100% confident in that, I would suck up the pain and just take it. A bad year out of 50 is just a bump in the road in the big scheme of things. It's so hard...

Don't I just sound like a little girl? I just need to suck it up and keep working. I love my wife and I can't give up. Jesus, please let it all work out...


Side note: My W is really pissed at my parents. She's never been close to them, but some stuff happened during separation that really hurt W. My parents invited us all over this weekend. W says she won't go, I can take the kids and go. I told W that I understood and was curious if she saw this as a permanent thing. Her reply: "I don't know, all I know is that that's how it is now." That really stung, because I wonder if that's how she feels about us too?