W comes back from her business trip today. Oddly, I don't want to see her. I'm tried from six days of kid duty, and I haven't gotten a thing done at work. I want to hear about her trip - but only to find out how much time she spent out with boss and what they did....a recipe for disaster! I'll never be able to sit there and listen to her talk in her usual way about how "nice" and "smart" and "good to her" he is.

I'm just SO angry at how I ended up in this situation.

Realized last night one reason I am angry. I don't understand why my W dismisses my feelings about concerns I've had. Realized that if she ever expressed any concern about emails I was getting from a women I simply make it stop. I wouldn't be overly concerned about WHY it bothered her or try to convince her that she was being unreasonable. If something was bothering my W enough to affect her life and our M I would simply make it go away. The fact she won't tells me A LOT, doesn't it?

I can't believe I've put myself in this situation - by basically not standing up for what I feel is right and what I need, or even the important things W and I have agreed to. I do it to make her happy, but feel taken advantage of and resentful.

I should have simply gone ballastic when those emails arrived and not given in instead I sort kinda mentioned it after I steamed about it for days, and when she got mad I backed off, as usual. Now, to W bringing it up would be "dredging up the past".

My goal: be as upbeat as possible when W returns. Don't expect problems. Listen. If W goes on and on about boss as usual I will be direct and calm and say "Honey, I don't really want to hear about how great your boss is right now" and find somewhere else to be. Don't get pissy, or rude. Just switch the topic, or leave.

If for some reason I fail at this and we do have an argument - I will not feed it. I also am NOT going to give in or have my concerns dismissed, and I will not justify WHY I feel a certain way. Short, calm, direct statements - my truth, whether or not I think she's going to like it.