Buffalo

[Denver_2010]

Update...

Yesterday... Not much to report. Spoke to my W a few times throughout the day, but we did not see each other.

Today... Very BIG

Called my W tonight and invited she and SS over for dinner and a movie. She accepted.

We were hanging out while dinner was cooking. W noticed some tack paper that my mom has put in our cupboards since W moved out. My W commented that she was frustrated that my mom is doing stuff to our house as if it is her's. W was frustrated and told me 'would you tell your mom that this is still my house?' ... I explained that the tack paper was easily removed and that my mom had not asked me before putting it in. W was not mad... just frustrated. She then stated... "this stuff is like wallpaper... out of the 70's... If I'm moving back in, it has to go!" Then she laughed... I nearly fell jumped in happiness when she mentioned possibly moving back in!!

A little later, she was talking about a singing gig that she has in April. I told her that I may want to go to it. She then said that she wasn't if I'd want to bc OM is on the show (he is a horn player who is on approximately 5-6 shows per year with my W). I agreed, but instead of saying that I'd be uncomfortable, I couldn't help myself... I said, 'no, OM wouldn't to run into me' ...

W went into a convo re status of R with OM... she had previously mentioned to me on friday that she is distancing herself from OM and that he is 'grasping as straws'. She told me that she has spoken to OM about the fact that she is working on M with me. Again, this is news to me since W and I haven't formally made this decision. But obviously good to hear! Then she tells me that OM has began to back off and doesn't seem interested in pursuing her in a romantic way. That he understands why she is moving towards me. AGain, I couldn't help myself... I said, 'what, he realize that you are M'd?" I said it jokingly, and W understood this... her response though kind of put me in my place... she said, "you just realized that you were M'd a few months ago."

I told W that I am uncomfortable with her continuing doing any shows with OM even if it is just 5-6 times per year. She said that she understood completely and that she didn't want to put me in that position. But, she said that she is still unsure of how to deal with the sitch bc OM works for the same company as she does (one of her bands is through an entertainment company). She said that she thinks that it will work itself out over time and that she believes that OM will not want to have anything to do with her very soon.

W then said something that sounded like her taking some responsibility and acknowledging an A (she has previously refused to view her R with OM as an A bc in her mind we were D'd months ago).... W said that this is a very difficult situation and that she is willing to take 'half' of the 'responsibility' for causing this difficult situation... but that I am also responsible. I will take it even though I still have difficulty accepting that I pushed her into having an A... Leaving yes, most definitely... but to have an A?? don't know if I will ever completely buy into that. But hey! Better to be M'd and happy than to be 'right'!!!

Anyway, I asked her if she would please let me know if and when she has a show that OM is also on so that I don't have to wonder about each gig that she has. She said that she would bc she knows what it is like to wonder about things like that. I have a few ex's who are lawyers and W says that she would often wonder if I was seeing one of them when I'd have court in the courthouses where they work.

I am not going to press the issue with OM for now. I am VERY comfortable that the R bw W and OM is over at this point. I am still not comfortable with W having any contact with OM at all, nor will I ever be, but this will be worked out over time. I am also not comfortable feeling like I am looking over my shoulder... that if I screw up, W may turn to OM. In reality, I don't believe that I am on such thin ice, but it is how I feel. I told my W this, and she told me that is not the case.

W knows that this is a fluid situation that is going to have to change in the near future. But I am not going to press it for now. W is drawing closer to me every day. I do not want to screw it up.

The main things gained tonight were the statements made by W about thinking about moving back into the house, and that we are working on our M. Both things that I thought were probably going through her mind, but had not been said out loud.

Thanks for the continued support everyone!

BITS
Denver