But things have taken a turn towards the better. We are talking.
I take things for granted. I assume you know the basics. When the basics get thrown out the window.. I get Emotional. I will point out that you can "see" that aspect here!
We have been thru 2(?) C sessions at this point. Tonight was one of the better ones.
We have talked about the things that need to change at home. Mostly that the kids are the way to her heart. But.. at the same time she has relied on the kids.. to prop her "love" up.
I am lacking in the kids area. I don't devote the time that she "needs" to see. Honestly it was not intentional and to a point I felt excluded.
We have agreed at this point that if she has info on the kids.. she fills me in. If I get info on the kids.. I fill her in. So far this has worked well. Built a bit of a connection.
We talked about what we want from one another.. and if our goals are the same. I just want the family to be happy. She has a list that is a mile long that I could not even describe to you clearly. So the change she has to make is to focus on 1 thing. I heard that she is willing to do that. This will help me a lot.
We talked tonight about trust. That was weird to me. The only time I do not trust her is when we are "here". Any other time I have no trust issues. I feel I have to say that I did "hack" her cell phone account. It was not smart. And did not go over well.
I told the C that I have 1 foot out the door.. and am preparing myself for what may come. He encouraged me to make an effort. I told him.. and I am telling you.. I am. There is a reason I am going to C. There is a reason I am posting.
I chose this.. whether I meant to or not.
My choice is to see this thru.
D or happily "married".
My life.. is just crazy right now. Work.. Kids.. "This".. I just can't find it in me to post like I used too.
I still like the fact that you are still checking on me. And.. I appreciate it.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
