Nine, the reason I haven't replied is b/c I really don't know how to give you the positive advice I'm sure you want to hear. I will be honest with you, as always, and tell you what I see based on the posts you've written.

Sadly, I believe your W has a mental health problem. She has been very depressed for a long time and had to go to the hospital and threaten suicide. She wants something to make her happy. Happiness was what she was seeking when she got involved with OM. Then she's back and forth with the R with you. She says one thing and then goes back on it. She doesn't know what she wants.

I can tell you what she wants....she wants whatever she doesn't have at the time. She thought OM would make her happy and it didn't. Instead of her learning to be happy with herself, she starts all the suicide talk again. Gets your undivided attention and in the same call, the two of you start talking about getting back together. One problem.....she can't totally give up OM and give 100% to working on M. She doesn't want it or she would have kick OM to the curb that night! Open your eyes and see that she is no where ready to come back to you and work on the M.

Here's your problem. You think if she'll just come back home that everything will be good. You'll have your family back! In reality, she won't be there a week until she'll be thinking she's made a mistake and this isn't making her "happy". Nothing is going to make her happy! She will keep changing her mind and reaching for something else. She needs a doctor and lots of counseling before she goes back into the M.

She was waving red flags all over the place....even when her mother passed away. But you refused to see it. Anytime a woman will go meet with her lawyer to sign final papers for legal S.....the day after her mother dies....is not ready to R in her M.

So, be by her side while she buries her mother (if she wants you there), but it is not the time to be discussing the R.

If you really love this woman, and I think you do, you'll encourage her to get under the care of a psychiatrist and wait until she is mentally strong enough to know what she truly wants. If you pursue with anything....it should be that. After she gets a lot better, then the two of you need to be in a pro-marriage counseling program. I don't think your R stands a chance without it. JMHO.

I do believe that she can be healed with the right medication and psychology. But I think it will take a long time before she can make it in a M again.

You can chose to be a friendd and give her support to get mentally stronger, but I would strongly advise you to stop pressing her about moving back home.

I think her mood swings affect your own emotions so much and her mental state keeps you so pulled down that neither of you can be as strong for the other as needed. frown I'm not telling you to give up (that's your decision)but I'm telling you that she doesn't need to enter back into a MR with you right now. Maybe some day.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!