PINCH ME of HIT ME with a 2x4

[ninelives]

Said shed call me in the morining but no call yet. WTF

9

BITS

[ninelives]

I just called her. She was still asleep. she asked me to pick up a bunch of groceries for her and I am ok.

I asked her if it was awkard for her last night and she said no but she feels guilty. I didnt respond to that.

God I want her back and my family back. I know it could be so good and even waaaaay better than it was before but i dont know.

In my heart of hearts i dont think its going to happen.

I know I need to be patient but i am so nervous that she is going to change her mind, get her inheritence and then just live her life without me.

Sounds paranoid I know but I really believe that she thinks that our relationship is too far gone to be saved and to have the passion back that she may crave.

Only time will tell but sometimes I wonder if I wasnt better off just cutting my losses and moving forward.

Can i take some more open heart surgery from her.

9
BITS

[♪CS♪]

Can i take some more open heart surgery from her.

Yes you can! Just continue to be calm and think before you act. You'll be fine.

[Starsky309]

9L,

You are not learning from observing your own interactions with your wife, and what works and what DOESN'T work.

Notice this:

She says she needs to go slow and that I pushed the issue and she said things she wasnt sure about.

I say then Ok, where do we stand in this. I will give you all the time you need but last we talked you were coming back 100%
and that you were ending it with OM, etc..

She backpeddles . . .

. . . and then compare it with this:

I then let go of the rope and say, if you have strong feelings for him, then see where it goes and forget about half a$$ed attempts at recon. I say lets just move on.

She then draws forward and says things like , NO, please , we owe it to our family to see if we can be together and that she knows that she can be without OM.

Instead, you foolishly go back to your needy, pursuing, clingy ways:

I foolishly ask her what the hell is the attraction to him. He is a zero.

etc.

This made you appear weak, and attacking the OM only made your wife rise to his defense.

Please go back thru your own posts, and try to observe what has worked, and what hasn't. If you'd just truly let her go, I believe she would pursue you like crazy.

Starsky

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I know I need to be patient but...

But, you're doing a crap ton of things that shows you are not patient.

9,

You wanted a 2x4 in your title.

I wonder if I wasnt better off just cutting my losses and moving forward.

So...your wife is a loss?
When the going gets tough...there goes 9?
For better or worse...oh...wait...I actually only meant for better?

Wipe your nose, live up to your convictions and show her the man she married. Is she f-ed up right now? Yeah, adversity shows character, and tests your moral compass. How is yours?

[ninelives]

Thanks Jack and Country. Nice ones. Especially Jack.

Was over there today and she was very upset when I got there.

She rehashed the relationship she had with her mom and it wasnt a good one but she does miss her and was crying. She says her life is soooo effed up right now and keeps repeating that Karma is getting her.

To this I dont know what to say. I ususally dont say much except that I know that things are tough right now but they will get better.

This is such a crazy situation. We talked and then she started talking about her lfe again and how she screwed up her life and but she was getting on track until she lost her job last week, then the R talk between us and now this with her mom.

She says there is way to much on her plate right now and she is right. I held out my hand for her to hold it but she said she didnt want to do that right now. So i didnt say anything.

She told me that she loved when her mom played with her hair, even when she was an adult and I said that she was such a little girl. Where she snapped at me. "What do you think im immature and selfish, is that what you are saying"

I said no that her little girl like qualities were appealing and I liked playing with her hair as well. I said this was a good thing about her and that she shouldnt take it the wrong way.

I said, look, I should go, I think I am making you feel uncomfortable and she immediately pleaded that I stay and that she was sorry.

I said, we shouldnt talk about R right now, we need to focus on your mother and your loss. She went on about how she needs to be happy and that according to me in past conversations , the only way she will do this is with her family.

I asked her what she thought happiness was and she said she didnt know but yes she wanted her family back in tact but not necessarily in a relationship with me.

I again reminded her that we shouldnt be talking about this and that I am just here to help her through in which case, I did the dishes, did some other chores around the house while she had a shower.

I asked her if she wanted me to go and again she said no, and asked if I would go to her sisters tonight at 6.

I told her I would , she was getting ready to go to her lawyers to ironically enough, sign the papers to finalize our separation.

I said to the boys, lets go and she said waith please, and then gave me a hug.

YOu are right Jack and others , I am impatient and I am feeling bad for her right now. I just have to be there for her with no other agenda.

I just miss us and the family so much when you situations like this where we should be getting strength off each other.

9
BITS

[ninelives]

invited for dinner at her sisters place. Going to go with the boys in about half an hour.

Any words of wisdom before I go.

9
BITS

[♪CS♪]

Be calm, patient, and caring

[Brian in Hville]

Tonight...it's all about her.

[2stepboogie]

First, Kudos for showing the strengh to stand there in the presence of your W and not crumble. In my case I almost welcome the distance between us and I think it is healthy to a certain degree.

Secondly, Looks like J3B gave you a pretty good 2x4 so I will refrain but I will tell you this. You want 90MPH and she is just turning on the car. You need to excercise patience and self control. As I noted earlier, this will move at her speed NOT yours.

Pick your words carefully and think your outcome depends more on you and than you think.