Totally agree with Sandi on the communication skills. This is perhaps the single biggest challenge to overcome.
To me it is all about self-control. If you are getting drawn into an argument, you are not controlling yourself.
You can develop better self-control by implementing very specific strategies in conversation.
Say as little as possible. Validate her complaints. Back yourself (do not apologize for things you do not agree with). Gently enforce boundaries you have set for yourself. Do not go on the attack/blame. Do not intiate R talk.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
