Stuck Like Crazy Glue II

[ScaredinCanada]

Last night started off so good. W was talking very positive about making changes in our life to be happier. Sell the house and downsize to allow us more money to do things as a family and also to spend on hobbies.

I was feeling really positive as we discussed, and actually went briefly to look at houses together.

I told my W that I didn't want to goto fast and believed although I was pleased with the discussion I thought it was important that we look at dealing with the issues between us first. Her response was, "whatever YOU want"...and I snapped, I got angry.

So she is "trying" as long as she believes she'll get what she wants in order that she can find happiness - with my financial help but nothing more. There is no "US" in her plans.

I didn't mean to, but I took her positive talk and her willingness to "try and work-through our issues", but obviously that was not her intention.

I was very close to telling her off last night, that I want nothing to do with her - and that she can go it on her own and struggle for all I care and get none of her dreams.

I settled for telling her that, "you don't deserve my love"...which at this point I believe.

Nothing from her, no reaction no anything - cold as ice. I went to bed sadder than ever.

I am work today, and I feel so down, nauseous, depressed, unmotivated.

I was doing so well, and then I saw what I thought was light at the end of the tunnel and I gave everything I had too it - only to be crushed again.

I called this morning to wish D7 Happy Birthday and to apologize to my Wm telling her I let my emotions get the best of me. No reaction from her at all...nothing.

Hit me with the 2x4, but I have no idea how I was supposed to avoid getting excited?

I'm going to book the MC today...and just hope we can sit down with someone and work through it.

I'm scared of just existing with her, and not having her as my W.