If I were big enough, I'd turn both of you over my lap and spank you for fighting in front of your child! It doesn't matter if it was 10 min or 10 seconds. You have no idea what that does to a child...or both of you would make sure he never witnessed his parents going at each other that way.
From where I sit, the biggest problem is very bad communication! I can't believe how you "assume" she knows certain things. Just like you thought you were laying down a boundary the other night. I said you came off looking like a jerk....and then she actually used that word to describe how she saw it.
So, you have to learn how to say things and how to make sure she know exactly how you inteded it. This takes practice and work. No guessing and no assumptions. The same bad communication showed up in the bill situation.
Now there is one thing that you must get under control along side of learning communication skills, and that is to REFUSE to discuss anything that has be hashed and rehashed by the two of you in the past. When she starts in about the porn and you see it's the same old stuff.....LEAVE IT right then. Hang up the phone, shut the door, turn around and walk off. Don't continue to try to get the last word b/c that is why the argument keeps going. You are not going to convince her that you've stopped with the porn. This is something she's going to hang on to b/c that is her "justification" for everything she's doing now. To say that she believed you had stopped--would mean she would have to give in on some of her issues.....and she doesn't want to do that.
Stop beating that same old horse and let it die.
Yes, she must see you in a different way. Time to tweak.
Sandi...I NEEDED that. Thank you, as always, for your insightful insight, and well-placed 2x4s or virtual spankings or what have you!
I felt crappy the entire day when I thought about how our son had to watch his mom and dad quarrel like that. I need to put a stop to this kind of behavior from either of us from now on.
You suggested I shut the door, walk away, etc., though I don't want to look like I'm avoiding conflict, because that's something I used to do a lot. I think that I need to stop, leave and/or take a deep breath whenever things like this occur. One thing's for sure -- we DO have terrible communication, so these are some of the things I will thinking real hard about while I tinker my DB/DR game plan tonight.
