Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

OK, maybe you took me too literally on the time thing. Yes, we have a fixed amount of time on this earth, but the time we have to do the things we want to do are only capped by that ultimate limit. Don’t rush this, all I am trying to say.

Our S’s have already emotionally divorced us, if you are already doing the things you want to be doing, I just don’t see a reason to speed up the legal divorce. I don’t think it is the right focus to have right now.

Country_Song, he can divorce me at any time right now. The year wait is over. I'm inclined to let it happen, give him what he wants. Vaya con Dios baby.

H. told me he wants a divorce, told me to move on with my life and hopes I will find a great man that can love me the way I deserve to be loved.

I'm feeling I should do exactly that.

I don't think I can continue to care about someone that has so little regard for me that I'm treated as a stranger. I don't expect him to change his mind or his heart. Not with those shark eyes.

He's rocking that baby called resentment and hanging on to it and feeding it IMO.

Detachment is preached here. Don't care, don't let the WAS ruffle your feathers, just continue on like they don't matter, don't let your feelings get the better of you.

Detachment is preached here, but it is for a reason. I may be wrong, but to me it sounds like you are letting all of your H’s negative energy bring you down. That is what you need to separate. If you truly focus on you, and let him go, this negative energy will no longer be your concern. And with a more peaceful mind, patience will follow. This will no longer feel like such an agonizing ordeal.

I think my H. would laugh if you said you thought he was negative or depressed and tell you he's just fine.
My negative energy is born out of a feeling of helplessness and given what MLC is, a perception of hopelessness. Few happy endings with a spouse in MLC.

You may ultimately get to the point where you no longer do want to work on the M, even if he did come back you would not take him. But that will be a feeling of peace, not a feeling of anger or resentment.

I'm confused and conflicted. DBing is supposed to save marriages. That's why we're here.

Then once we get into the thick of it, we realise that DBing is about changing us and by doing that we change our spouse's reactions to us. I get that the changes that DBing are about are FOR me primarily now.

So am I DBing anymore? Am I even working on my M anymore? The old M is dead so I've been told, and I really don't want the M that H. left back. I endured it, I wasn't enjoying our M much truthfully, just getting through the day doing what I needed to.
Right nowm if he wanted to come back, I wouldn't take him unless and only if one condition was met. It's not a small condition either.