Grace,

I have gone to see my pastor, and have been praying a lot and I do feel like I'm out of the depressive state I've been in for some time. And, I don't think I'm doing anything for him that I don't want for myself. Everything I've been doing so far has been for me. I feel soooo much better about myself. And, honestly, at this point I feel like I'd rather be where I am right now, even if it means never seeing him again, than be where we were in our marriage at the time it ended. Things were not good. That doesn't mean I don't believe it can and would get better if we gave it another try, but I feel like I'm better in my life than I've ever been.

I don't want to spend the next 6 months jut worrying about myself though, and then he files once he is able and it's too late. I guess I feel like he doesn't want to work things out because he's afraid that things will be the same all over again. I don't really blame him for that. I just hope he gets the chance to see that I've changed, that's all smirk And yeah, I don't plan a "accidental" meetup. He's not stupid! haha

My pastor said I should pray about writing him a letter though. He said your husband probably doesn't believe that if he gave things another chance that it would be any different. He said, I should write him a letter just saying what I did in the marriage that I recognize and where I am in my life at this point and send it to him. From what I've read in these forums and the book so far, that doesn't seem to be a good idea, especially since he's not even willing to be friends at this point. But, if I wait more than a week, he'll be moving and I may not have his new address to send him a letter if I wanted to. I'm not sure...