Islander - Patience. You and Nine have made tremendous strides towards the ultimate goal of reconciling your M's, but you both want to rush it WAY too much!
When your W draws closer to you, or provides you with information that is positive, take it with a grain of salt and let her back it up with action before you start planning on the future.
It is patience and time that got you here... it will be patience and time that will get you to where you ultimately want to be.
What do you do now? Go back to the beginning. Go back to doing what was working.
If you are questioning whether or not you can continue to do this... don't.... YOU CAN.
Dig deep and find the strength... what do you have to lose?
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well Denver, I just called her and questioned her about what is going on and what happened last week and then sent her a couple of texts to remind her. Horrible decision, I don't feel any better, I am just so tired of this rollercoaster. It is my fault for what happened las week. I was lifted so high and then fell so low
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Okay Islander... you recognize your mistakes and this is good.
You backslid from what got you to a point of positive progress.
Now go back to doing what worked. That is the number one rule of DB. DO WHAT WORKS.
The good thing is this, in my estimation, ... the mistakes that you have made are probably not fatal to your efforts. She was questioning her choices last week ... I highly doubt that the pressure that you applied will kill the emotions that caused her to question. It will make her doubt her conclusions, but it will not kill the emotions.
Those emotions are love and shared experiences with YOU. It is these emotions that will bring your W back... if she is to be brought back.
BUT you have to let these emotions occur naturally within your W. Nothing you say or do will cause this to move any faster towards your goals... but what you say and do can slow progress and/or destroy it.
Tread carefully when you see positive progress... You must continue to apply DB...
PATIENCE and TIME man...
This does not change. Your W needs to time to figure it out on her own.
Let her.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I guess this means I am going dark dark again. I think that had more of an affect than anything else I have done. I feel like I am struggling all over again to get to the place where I can do it. I guess I just force myself and hope for the best.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Yes... go back to detaching with love... if going dark worked for you .. then do it. This will come back around in your favor. Just be patient.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
The last text I sent her said "sorry xxx, I love you and want our family back". I will not send any more, and will begin the process of detachment and going dark now.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Don't send her that stuff anymore. You are only pressuring her. And pressure will push her away.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
