Yes, I think that working second shift for all these years has not been good for our M. Wasn't much I could do about that at the time. Recently was able to work like a normal person for a couple of months, thought it was going to be long term but it ended here a couple of weeks ago. Back on nites for awhile, not sure how long.
Had a good weekend. Had a quick errand to run Sunday morning, came back and we did a little shopping and bought groceries. She was really pleasant and friendly. Touchy feely, too. I thought for a minute she forgot that she wanted a divorce! We were like a happy couple again. But then she remembered. I found out while I was out running my errand that she had been on the phone with the OM. Then we had a late nite talk about the D. She is so short sighted. She didn't realize all the things that have to be looked at and taken care of. She thought she could just file and magically she would be out and all of her troubles would be behind her. She started looking at financials, bank accounts, life insurance policies, 401k's, and it was a little much for her. She was kind of overwhelmed. But then again, looking back it's always been her style. If it's hard, or difficult, or uncomfortable, or anything but easy - she doesn't really want any part of it.
I still hope and pray everyday that something will slap her in the face and bring her back into "reality", but each day that passes I realize that this probably will not be the case. She is so focused on running right now, and on building her R with the OM. I thought it might start getting a little easier by now, but other than the sucker punched wind knocked out of you feeling I got when she first told me, I think I feel worse now more than ever. Watching my kids is the hardest. They are really hurting. Won't even talk to her. The hard part for me to understand is that our kids have always been the most important thing in our lives. Now, she acts like she barely cares if they are hurt or not. Comments like, they will get over it, or they will forgive me one day. This EA (at the least) has even moved her own children down the list.
As far as me, I have tried to start doing more things for me. I have started going back to church, and the kids have been going with me. I have done s few things that I have been wanting to, but just haven't. Even went and got readmitted to college. I can start taking classes again this next semester. But nothing is really helping me feel much better right now. I know that a huge amount of time will be involved in this whole process. And I have barely started - only been a few months. I am sure this will be more like a few years!
