......are these itty bitty baby steps?

[goodattitudegirl]

Rabbit, there were SO many nuggets of wisdom in your post, as always…….I love your colloquialisms (e.g. “billy no mates”).

… but as you asked him not to mind read you must honour him as well!

Thanks for this ^^^^^ reminder.

Funny we ended up having some pretty unintentional meaningful conversations those first few nights out, perhaps its because general chit chat seems so less meaningful when you know what the whole picture is?

I think you are talking about you and Mr. R here, right? This ^^^^^^^^^ was a REALLY, REALLY important insight for me. Thanks! As I was visiting with Mr. GAG I felt as though the conversation just wasn’t fun and lacked the chemistry we’ve always had……but you are right, that I can’t really compare our first “dates” now with our first dates years ago, because even inane conversation can be interesting with someone new. In our previous R we didn’t talk much about feelings and values because we were busy doing. In your situation Rabbit, do you remember how this phase transitioned into the next for you?

Yes. Patience and calmness. Thanks for the reminder.

………if anything I expect you feel a bit bemused, I certainly did, in one whole evening you connect, get pushed away, connect and then side stepped?

That’s ^^^^^^^^ exactly how it has been feeling. Thanks for validating that.

….it appears you are clearly in that more relaxed friendship zone.

Cas, right now I don’t feel very $exually attracted to XH or anyone else for that matter. I feel as though I am checking HIM out too. I need to know if he is worth investing more time in, so I am watching and listening too. If he were to become more considerate and fun, my feelings would probably change. I’m wondering if he might be going through GF#2 Withdrawal??? Hard to know.

Update:
So…..after the dinner/movie Sunday evening I e-mailed XH a quick thank you. He responded 10 minutes later “Hey Back! P&P (pizza n' peroni).... one very tasty meal. Good place. Mr. G”

Then today XH e-mailed me “Hey…I can't make Wednesday..... could we go for Thursday? I am going on vacation for one week on Saturday …………. I will plan to see Mom ……….. before I leave ……….. If you can see her while I am gone, that will hold her…until I (return). Thanks!”………So this is the very first time since the bomb that XH has asked me to visit his mother while he goes out of town. That’s new for him. I replied that I can play TT Thursday, wrote “Where are you going on vacay? Someplace warm I hope!”, and told XH I could check on his mother. He replied “Thursday is a go. Going to Cancun…80 degrees. The opportunity just presented itself….had to go!” I replied "Lucky you! Bring me a pair of maracas, OK?"

So………I have no idea who XH is going with but I maybe I can find out on Thursday. I am a bit frustrated about the vacay, but in my situation XH has not indicated he wants anything other than a friendship with me so I don’t really have a good reason to be irritated.

I scheduled a session with Jody this Thursday to get her take on my situation now. I haven’t talked to her since X-MIL was given 6 months to live. I’m confused about how this affects my DB’ing.

GAG