Hi, CW. Thanks so much for posting on my thread. I popped in to get an update of your situation and I am sending further blessings of peace your way during this painful time.
Thankyou Cas! I'll take all the blessings I can get!
Was working on my homework from the Dave Ramsey class...budget and cash flow income/debt sheets and became painfully aware that there is no way I will be able to keep this house. I "kinda" knew that but the worksheets made it loud and clear.
I meet with my L Wed. to go over what I want. This is all becoming "real" now!
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I'm SO sorry to hear this. I know that you are feeling right now that this will be yet another loss........so many losses in such a short period of time! I remember last summer when you were trying to decide whether to stay in your house over the winter. I am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself for successfully making it through the winter. You are one smart lady to be planning financially like you are.
Just found out something tonight that really puts things into perspective as far as the house goes. It is just a house, I can get another one....one of my co-workers just lost her 16yr old son in a car accident.
All of here are going thru some tough stuff but THAT...
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Good luck with the meeting. I hope yours is more successful than mine was. Just a waste of oxygen for me. You are smart to get your ducks into a row. Be ready for whatever comes up.
Ok...Here is what happened at the meeting today. BTW, H had a very grey look about him today...he has grey hair, that little patch of grey hair on his chin and he was wearing a grey sweatshirt....
I got there early to discuss our plans. She told me that she had called H's L to make sure that they were coming. His L said that she had not heard from him or talked to him but that her staff had called him and that he said that today at 3 would be fine or if we wanted to "continue" it that would be fine too. She said that his L wanted to meet with H for a few minutes first and talk with him. My L said that she had given his L a rundown of what we were thinking. H has not taken the required parenting class yet.
They come in, introductions are made. I looked at him and he sort of shrugged his shoulders and gave me a "guess we have to do this or guess we will see what happens" look. I don't know how to describe it. His L is just a baby...very young. They started off with the parenting plan. We agreed on most things. At this point, both L's commented how well we were communicating...lol!
Ok...on to the big stuff. C/S. My L gave her re-worked #'s. H asked if they were based on the OT he worked cause it was a lot and things were slowing down etc. and that there wouldn't be as much. I thought his voice got a little louder, which it tends to when he is getting worked up. Both L's talked about recent pay stubs and looking over the numbers again.
Next, was about this house. She told them that I cannot afford to keep this house. I didn't want it. We discussed being upside down on the loan. She asked H if he wanted the house. He said he didn't know. In the event that he does not want it, his L would like US to sit down in a meeting with someone from the mortgage co or real estate agent and see what our options are. I.E. short sale. They both asked if we thought we could communicate about that...yes. My L asked him if he had access to email or texting...NO, the asked if he had vm and he said yes. He said that it is partly his fault that we don't talk because he picks up the kids when I am not home and then just drops them off without coming in. Hmmmmm
On to the vehicles, truck and camper, mine no problem. He also agreed to give me the little car I am driving now. My L listed the other vehicles and he seemed to stiffen up a little and then joked that I could have the BMW motorcycle but probably wanted the yellow car (the hot rod). I laughed and said no. That is as far as we went with that stuff.
She brought up the credit card debt and again, I think this is stuff that will be ironed out when we have some numbers as far as the sale of the houses etc.
Ok...on to the scary stuff...extra support. (By this time I was shivering so had to put my jacket on...I must do that when I get nervous!) She laid it all out very nicely. She mentioned what insurance will cost me, what prescriptions will cost...he seemed very "concerned" (was going to say sympathetic but not sure that is the right word). She did bring up the "other" health issue, without saying what exactly and she had warned me that it was going to be brought up. She asked for an extra $$$ to help with medical and health ins costs. She looked him in the eye and said almost apologetically that we realized that would be very tough and this is where she blindsided me and brought up LEGAL SEPARATION. She said that she knew at one time, his L had brought it up to him and would it be something he would consider now? I have to tell you that this is when I zoned and went to my happy place because I didn't think I could handle hearing him say NO. Both L's laid out that the only difference between a D and a LS is that you could not get remarried. That, if, in the future, either one of us wanted to marry again, we would just have it switched over to a D....property etc would already be done. He said he'd have to think about it. My L said she was not trying to pressure him or put him on the spot and to take time to think about it as financially, it would be better for him.
Now, I am being realistic... I am thinking that he didn't want to say NO WAY in front of me. Maybe he still cares enough he didn't want to hurt me especially in front of the 2 women L's?....who knows.
So, we agreed to work on the house situation and H has to provide his L with his 401K and check stub info...he and his L left and my L said that she was very encouraged...she was smiling and said that this would give us a chance to work together and communicate and you never know what might happen. That was kinda funny to me cause when she was giving me my little pep talk before the meeting she said that she just knew that in the near future, I would find someone who would love me and treat me like I deserved to be treated!
This going to go on for awhile. His L had nothing! My L provided her with the info I brought in. Nothing was resolved today except the parenting plan.
Sorry so long!
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No apology necessary. At least you feel as if something got accomplished at your meeting. Mine was an exchange of carbon dioxide - all from his lawyer.
Last night, we were finally all able to get together for our work xmas dinner! Went to a pretty fancy place and it was very good. My boss surprised me by asking a former co-worker of ours to join us. All my co-workers were bring their H's or BF's and she didn't want me to feel like I was there alone! Very sweet of her plus we all really miss our former co-worker and it was fun to be around her again!
When I got home, I saw that H had not taken his mail. It was where it always is and it looks like either he or one of the kids tried to call around 5 from the caller ID but there was no message.
My DIL emailed me saying that SS was taking GS to an arenacross event and that H was apparently takng the kids to it too. I don't know if it was something SS and H planned together.
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