DBing is about reclaiming our own lives. We do this by learning to focus on ourselves, build on our strengths, and ask for and accept help with our limitations. But many of us find it difficult even to begin this self-focused process because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others, especially the WAS. We have become so enmeshed with another person’s life and problems that we have lost the knowledge that we are separate individuals. When asked about ourselves, we often respond by talking about the WAS. We perceive ourselves to be so connected that, if the WAW does something that hurts us it seems only right, only natural, for us to respond.
Many of us even confuse this absence of personal boundaries with love and caring. For example, from the moment the WAS goes out the door, we sit, immobilized, unable to do anything but think obsessively about him or her. This is not love; it’s obsession. When we cease to live our own lives because we are so preoccupied with the lives of others, our behavior is motivated by fear. Not only is it harmful to a relationship to hover anxiously or suspiciously over a loved one night and day, it is also extremely self-destructive.
The choice to abandon our own plans for such a purpose is an act of fear, not an act of love. Genuine, healthy love isn’t self-destructive. It doesn’t diminish us or strip us of our identities, nor does it in any way diminish those we love. Love is nourishing; it allows each of us to be more fully ourselves.
I am tired of my WAW most of the times, it is ok to have these emotions. I will stand until I will stand no longer.
