Angel (not speaking from experience) I don't think Retrouvaille can hurt anything. I have heard good things about the program. MC - just make sure you see someone who is pro-saving marriages.
From what your H says: "He questioned why I can't just let him be free while we are still together", he still feels trapped. You've got to figure a way to not be his jailer in his perception. You've got to open the cage, no ultimatums, no black and white choices, just remove yourself from the drama.
It almost sounds a bit like my own sitch although your H's OW is not reciprocating, while my W's OM is pursuing. But since granting my W the D, knowing she's torn over scarring the children, and giving her the freedom to stay for them or leave for herself, I am gradually assuming the role of "bystander". I'm getting out of her way. I feel better about myself, even somewhat liberated.
I don't know what to tell you to do, but right now you're guilting him big time. That's a cycle you've got to get out of - dead end or "cheeseless tunnel"
Maybe Retrouvaille or MC will spark a turn around and it is defenitely something you can say afterward that you tried. It's a step worth taking, but there's nothing you can say or do to "cure" your H of whatever he's got and then make him fall in love with you all over again.
He's gonna have to come through this himself. If you want to stop the pain and depression, you and D12 should become bystanders in his drama.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
