About your comment on me being a dutiful daughter: I was not then. I fought tooth and nail to not be brought home. I tried to escape.
Perhaps that's how your H feels at the moment?? He feels like the rebellious teenager, dying to be anywhere else, and (said kindly) you are like the parent, telling him you don't care what he wants, he'll stay right where he is, because thats the RIGHT thing to do.
How attractive do you think you are to your H when you step into the Parent role? And I'd go a step further and say can you remember how you felt - that anger and frustration at your parents - we'll he's feeling that about you, but upsized from teenage girl/to middle aged man size.
Angel - have you noticed that he comes to you and tells you he wants out and you say I know, but you can't go ... then the conversation starts to be a negotiation and you agree to stuff that's unacceptable to you because you think it will buy you time (2 years, retraining, daughter time etc) - but can you see he's doing the same thing? He's agreeing to your terms, because in his mind it's the only way out - so he's agreeing to things that are unacceptable to him (no time with OW) in the expectation that if he just goes along with you and your 2 year rule, counselling etc etc he might be able to get out quicker?
Girlfriend - using your current strategy, you might make him stay. It'll continue on like this, possibly with the resentment on each side rising every time you have one of these conversations ... but if he's codependent, it is just possible that if you gracefully put down that rope - kiss him on the cheek and tell him he needs to do whatever he needs to do ... that he might not go very far at all.
Retrouville is great (and I've had friends get some great results from those programs) but it's not recommended to attend if there is still an other person on the scene. Need to be careful of that.
