Shine on you crazy diamond III

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS, thanks for the compliments and good vibes. Unfortunately, they were short lived...

She called today. I flipped when I saw her on the caller ID. I thought, "Wow, only 24 hours and contact. This is awesome." No, it would not be awesome.

We made some small talk and then she got to business. As usual, the call was because she needed something. She never calls unless she needs something. She is hosting a baby shower this coming weekend and she needs the serving pieces we have. She proceeded to tell me she has a list of things she needs to either take or borrow. She also went on to inform me that she doesn't like the fact that she still has little things still spread throughout the house and other things that still need to be divided up. She stated she feels uncomfortable that we still have stuff in limbo and she wants that settled this week. In other words, "husband, I am not coming back and I want my stuff."

I am sitting here in my office trying like hell not to burst into tears. I guess Navy was right. He stated that I should expect her to pull back after we had such a nice weekend together. I guess she is pulling back, all right. All the way back. All the way back to "I want to be through with you, husband."

Maybe I DB'ed a bit too much this weekend. Maybe she thinks now that I have moved on. I didn't wear my wedding ring this weekend. She had to have noticed that.

I am so confused. I don't know what she wants. Frankly, I don't know what I want now either. I want to save this thing, I really, really do. I still lover her more than anything in this world. I would take her back tonight if she asked. But, I can't make her love me. I know that. And, my emotions are getting pretty worn out. I do know one thing. I am tired of the ups and downs. I am tired of feeling OK one minute and like I am going to die the next. I want off this train. Unfortunately, the only way that I can see being able to get off is filing for D and ending this myself. But, I don't want that. This is the worst Catch 22 I have ever been in though out my entire life.

BITS, please help. I am unable to reason this in my own mind today. I was already a bit depressed when I woke up this morning. I had a wonderful weekend with my family and friends. But, this morning, I woke up to an empty house and it seemed to hit me kind of hard. And, then, I get her phone call. I am trying to keep an even keel, but this storm is pretty bad...

FOBD