I don’t miss you the way you miss me. What gets me down is that now you listen to me but you never did before..
2step
She is angry right now. In her own words.
She doesn't believe yours.
Words are not going to do it here man.
So stop trying to convince her.
And
You haven't given her a reason to miss you.
You have jumped at every little crumb of contact with her.
Painting a rosey picture with words.
You can give up if you want.
IMO you deliver your creed to her.
I love these words;
They are not mine they come from Bworl:
I believe there is a time for such conversations.
It is typically NOT when we want it to be.
When our spouse walks away, we enter a form of desperation. We will do anything to initiate contact, open communication, be in the same place, etc.
She needs space. She wants space. When you try to engage her in a discussion, particularly one so meaningful as one of admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness, you appear to be pushing your agenda on her. No matter how well meaning - and let's be honest, at least part of the motivation for this is to appeal for leniency and clemency in the hope that she will reconsider her current path - the impression we send is that OUR needs and desires are more important than hers.
The hardest thing to finally accept and grasp in the heat of this crisis is that there is ultimately only one thing that YOU can control.
You.
Nothing you say is going to win for you what you most want to win.
Actions still speak more loudly than words. Consistency, even in her separateness, is still an attractive and valued commodity for her.
You are to become the rock.
You have to care for yourself. You have to find yourself. You have to restore yourself. You have to be who you are and nothing else. You have to become a man of integrity and honor who desperately wants this woman in your life, but who will bear the burden of living without her to establish these things above.
Respect her by respecting yourself.
Take the focus OFF of her and the marriage, then put it squarely on the only thing you can effectively change.
You
Good words.
You are not getting what you want and you are not hearing what you want.
Time to move on?
That is what she expects after delivering that message.
She expects you will. That is the man she knew.
Who is 2step now?
^^^^^^^^^^
Yes.
BITS Denver
Yes yes and yes!
And YAY that she is angry!!!!!!! She absolutely has to go through this phase for anything to progress! When you start hearing the "it's too late" and "why didn't you change before" and "I can never go back to that" and all the anger comes out it means they are doing some heavy processing! That they see the changes you have made and have doubts about whether they have done the right thing. So they remind themselves of how bad it was, how they can never go back to that, the WAS cultivates that anger as a defense!
Remember IGNORE ALL OF WHAT THEY SAY AND HALF OF WHAT THEY DO!
It doesn't feel like it, but you are at a place of great potential.
Don't do anything rash. Be patient. And don't give up yet. She's not done, and you shouldn't be either.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
