Standing up to the punches

[Redo]

Update for 03/14

So I visited wife and daughter on Saturday for a learning ceremony. It is usually done right before kids go to school (daughter is starting kindergarten on 21st march).

Before arrival I was totally pumped up, in good spirits and was so sure of myself. Then i saw my daughter and my heart dropped. I have not seen her in 3 months. I just grabbed her, hugged her and went crazy. But i did not shed a tear or cry. I was so happy to see my daughter. Wife was there as were my in-laws. Wife changed a lot too. she was beautiful. Ceremony went okay. It was quite obvious that something was off. Wife was always standing besides her mom. Would not stand next to me. I just was happy hanging around my daughter. I was cordial with my in-laws. But there was not much to say. It was awkward. FIL did mention to me that in 1 year, who knows how things would be, but right now they are bad. I answered back saying that i am not sure where my feelings would be 1 month from now. See they always knew that i was always at beck-and-call of wife. I wanted to let them know that its no longer the case. I am not sure if what i did is right or not. But FIL was silent after that.
After the ceremony daughter and I took off so i can show her the zoo. Wife did not come. I thought that i could pull it off. I was wrong. At the zoo all my crazy emotions came back. I saw happy families with kids...and then i saw myself and my daughter and i could not fathom that this is how her future would be like. I just felt horrible for her and emotionally i could not take it. We spent about 1 hr in the zoo. Then i tried feeding her lunch and she refused. I just wanted her to be happy. So i took her to MCdonalds and we had something to eat. Everytime i looked at her, my heart sank. This is not the future i envisioned for my daughter. I wanted her to grow up happy.

Maybe she is happy. She has no idea what is going on. I am feeling bad because i keep thinking she knows whats going on.

I think the final straw was when we were about leave and she did not. She threw a tantrum. It was my first. I never saw her throw one. Then she started crying that "I want to come with you". She wanted to come back to our home. I did not know what to do and i just broke down. Not a pretty sight doing that in front of your kid. I knew that i will not be able to take it.

So i called my wife, told her we are coming back. Dropped daughter at in-laws home. Oddly wife and i then had about 5 mins worth of conversation. Just about daughter. Then i commented on how wife looks good. Wife asked me to spend some more time with daughter. I told her about how daughter talked about coming home and how i needed to process some of my feelings.

That was it. Then i just drove back home.

A strange visit. My wife was so checked out. I dont know what to feel. Last week i was in pretty good spirits. This week i don't know. Old feelings are returning. I guess it is normal. This has been my first visit and i did have some expectations that wife might be lil closer.

I just feel terrible for my daughter in all this. She's just so precious and i would not wish this situation on anyone to go through this sh*t.