My Wife Wants to Separate

[zengypsy]

DF:

I don't think you should include her in your apt search. She's not going to live there, so you have to find one that suits you and your kiddos. And if she brings up anything about it, I would simply be polite and say something like you I know you are anxious (this validates you recognize her feelings) and that you are working diligently in finding a suitable place for you and your children.

I can't really give you adivce on how to move out when you really don't want to, because I didn't move out but my STXH did. I can tell you from THAT perspective and I'm not sure it will be helpful. But, I, of course of was devastated when he moved out. I felt like with each passing day that there was a huge countdown. I really pleaded alot, I got depressed, I would cry almost every day etc. It really affected my health, my job. And jus like MWD said in her book, it didn't work. I had no choice but to let him go and hope that he would come to his senses once he moved out. But WAS/MLC'ers aer just not in that mindset. I had to accept it for what it was and has been for over a year. He feels his life is happier w/o me in it.

I know this is something that you don't want, but I really feel that by you doing this, you will show her that you are committed to all the changes you are slowly making. It would also be a 180 for you. Behavior modification which is what esentially DB'g is takes time. It's alot of undoing of our routines that we have been comfortable with for a lifetime. Having said that, someone has to tip the domino and get those changes going. It's all about YOU and your kiddos now. You can't worry about your W at the moment. She has to get her own self-awareness in her own way and in her own time. Consider her like a piece of lost luggage.

I'm not sure if I helped in anyway. Keep positing.