I don't want to play hard to get. I want a M that we both thrive in
That is your ultimate goal. But, you have to take steps to reach the goal.
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His 100% complaint about me was that I DID HAVE A LIFE outside of the M.
Unless you just totally ignored your M, then it sounds like an insecure man.
This is where DBing is confusing to a lot of newcomers. They say that GAL, (for example) was one of the complaints, so in turn they began to "smother" the WAS thinking they are showing more attention....doing what the S use to want. But as crazy as it may seem, you can't do that right now. Things have changed in your stitch.
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If I continue in my old ways, friends, outings etc...he will leave "nothing has changed
He will use any handy excuse he digs up. If he wants to leave, you can't stop that. Trying to be what you think he use to want from you is actually backfiring right now.
A WAS does not want any type of pursuing from the LBS. When you go about your life without having him as your main focus, then is sparks curiosity & interest from him. It takes little steps building up to the goal.
I understand not wanting to play hard to get from your own H....but human nature has not changed. Try it out and see.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I guess I really need a firm grip on 180's. I "thought" that was what I am doing. It appears it is "perusing"
Today H is home, upstairs watching golf and working. Normally, I would have suggested that we go to lunch (every Sunday) Today, nope not a word to him about plans. I sense he is uncomfortable. I went to run an errand and he was surprised that I didn't ask about afternoon plans.
This is the first day in 3 months that he has taken to the bedroom (my bedroom)Not sure what to think about that.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Husband and only come down a few times. I went up to put laundry away a few times. A 180 (?) never asked him what is going on. Both times he asked what I was doing. I said putting my laundry away. He said, besides that? He seems totally confused that I didn't offer an "outing" today.
He won't get out of my "bed" actually laying on it watching TV and working. So odd, considering that he has set up "camp" downstairs for the last 4 months.
???'s where do I sleep tonight? If I want to go to bed, where do I go?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Husband and only come down a few times. I went up to put laundry away a few times. A 180 (?) never asked him what is going on. Both times he asked what I was doing. I said putting my laundry away. He said, besides that? He seems totally confused that I didn't offer an "outing" today.
He won't get out of my "bed" actually laying on it watching TV and working. So odd, considering that he has set up "camp" downstairs for the last 4 months.
???'s where do I sleep tonight? If I want to go to bed, where do I go?
Like a lot a lot of people in here have been telling me... Put your foot down! Set boundaries! It's your bed, hot dangit!!
He won't get out of my "bed" actually laying on it watching TV and working. So odd, considering that he has set up "camp" downstairs for the last 4 months.
???'s where do I sleep tonight? If I want to go to bed, where do I go?
Originally Posted By: alamo76
Like a lot a lot of people in here have been telling me... Put your foot down! Set boundaries! It's your bed, hot dangit!!
Yep, you've been ignoring him, doing things you need to do. He's pretty hard to ignore camped out in your space.
You need space. If he can't see that it needs to be defined for him.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Be sure you present a pleasant attitude as you go about your business.
He's not the center of your attention today so it has him baffeled. Good!
He's in your bed. That's funny. Sounds like the actions of a little boy.
When bedtime comes, you go about your nighly routine and get in on your side of the bed as if he were no where around. If you read before going to sleep.....then do so. When you're ready to sleep, just say "good-night", turn over with your back to him, and that's that!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
very true. I was just outside having a beer and sitting in the sun...very relaxed. All of a sudden, he comes out and starts to mow the lawn? We have a gardener. He starts small chit chat about dinner and I ignored and just said, maybe cereal. He changed and said good that is what he is having too. We never eat cereal for dinner. I am so done figuring out what HE is having for dinner. Cereal it is forever, or until I decide I want something else. Today was a good day.
On a side note, now he is upstairs finishing my laundry under the excuse, so he can start his.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I think I am going to lose it. After a complete day of DB or doing my very own thing, H starts to move his "camp" from my bedroom to the living area where I have been most of the day.
Get this: He says he needs to use my my car to see how the tires are working out. I said really? They are perfect. We went through this Friday night.
He then says that he is going to the store. OK fine. He asks me what I need to make blueberry muffins. Really? Seriously? I have never baked in my life much less know how to make blueberry muffins.
I'm not going to mention "blueberry muffins" when he gets back.
What is going on?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Vs2d, he does seem like a child trying to get attention.
Try not to let it get to you. I don’t imagine it is very attractive.
JMO if I were in your place I’d prepare for a tantrum.
Some people and especially kids will seek attention by acting out negatively. Just don’t respond, leave the vicinity if you have too. Come back after his snit is ended. Take care of you
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
